Not for people with mortgages, 75K weddings, and children that get seriously damaged by divorce... THAT isn't something teenagers have to deal with in high school...
Apparenlty not everyone graduates when they get their diploma...
If that's the kind of support he's going to offer you then its better than your F doen'st talk to him...
Maybe your F will wake up when the $$ doesn't show up... You can bet on that...
My father is the type of man who is likeable but who changes his values according to the person he is talking to.
He cannot come right out and criticise my H with any authority because my step-mother was his former 4-year affair partner. It started during my mother's pregancy with me.
He feels guilt; my sitch has stirred all that up. But he would never go so far as to say his relationship with my step-mother was a mistake, esp since it bore my two beloved step-brothers.
I should never have believed my father when he said he would go in to bat for me in a discussion with H. I should have known that he'd lose his balls and try to be all pleasant with H.
Apparently my father has been overheard at various social occasions saying how H was 'like a son to him', the 'most brilliant man' he'd ever met, that I'm doing well, and that in one year everyone will be 'friends'. He likes to gloss things over.
The worst one was when my mum said to him that I need an explanation as to what happened so I can move on. And he replied to her, "it's pretty simple, isn't it? He fell in love with someone else".
Once, when I was about 10, I was snooping through my step-mother's belongings and I found a card my dad had written here. All it said was, "Stuff the rules, I love you".
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
He cannot come right out and criticise my H with any authority because my step-mother was his former 4-year affair partner. It started during my mother's pregancy with me.
He feels guilt; my sitch has stirred all that up.
Oh, Piano - my heart is breaking for you!
Your parents, your inlaws, and now you - ALL your marriages faultered when there was a baby on the way?! That's the most heartbreaking pattern I've ever seen! I'm so sorry!
A question: at this stage in my sitch, would there be ANY point giving my WH a copy of Penny Tuppy's "Love as an excuse for infidelity?" or the excellent excerpt SR just posted on her thread "Actually, it IS Your Parents' Fault" by Philip Van Munching.
Or is there never a good time to 'educate' your WAS having an A?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
Piano, the problem with your husband is his solution to guilt is to run away FURTHER... He admits his choices hurt people but he HIDES rather than OWNS those choices.
CHILDREN do this... They break something int he home, you interrogate them, they cry, yell, and then run away...
This is NOT adult behaviour he's showing.
You can send him the material, the greatest risk is he may just read it HIS WAY since its not being read WITH him by a FT. That material may just give him more ammunition to run... Penny Tuppy is pretty rough on infidelity, she doesn't pull punches. And your H scatters like a deer when the boxing gloves come out.
I shared material with my wife many times during her affair. She just blew it off and told me family therapists are just trying to "brainwash" people. That was the extent of her effort there... She DID look at it... But only to verbally dismiss it to me.
Do I think it made an impact? IN my case yes, my wife has a degree in psychology... I think she KNEW on some level that what she was reading carried a great deal of weight, but she would'nt admit that to me at all...
Just be warned of two things I can see coming of this you might not like :
a. YOur H may misinterpret the material to your disadvantage b. He may find Michele Davis' site and your threads here.
I have seen about a half dozen posters on this forum who had their spouses find their threads on here... Did a lot of damage...
okay, it sounds like I better lay off on giving him the material. I think it will come across as controlling. He needs to run away, feel the full depth of what he has done.
WH is coming over in 30mins to say goodbye to the baby WITHOUT ME.
He does not want me here.
I hear the pain, stress and anxiety in his voice. The same tone he had when he arrived and was finding the right time to devlier the Bomb.
Out of compassion, I am going to get out of his way...
Out of compassion? How on EARTH is that compassion? That's not compassion piano that's you enabling him. Addicts are VERY GOOD at playing VICTIM and looking PATHETIC to get SYMPATHY.. and YOU are FALLING FOR IT.
HOw do you expect him to tell himself no when YOU won't do it?
