The way I see things may be a crock, G. But I was just trying to 'feel' my way into the dynamic. I do beleive in 'for better or worse', and right now H is in the 'worse' department.
G, you can't really know right now what his intentions are because he probably doesn't know. Your priority and his needs to be his mental health right now. Your relationship will have to take a backseat. Unless and until he gets on some medication and his moods stabilize, he can't really make clear decisions. Proper medications will make him a different person.
My exH from my first marriage(marriage I DB'd is second) is bipolar. He refused help during our M. He couldn't face the reality that something was wrong. After our separation, he spiraled down quickly and he was forced to get help. Once he made peace with the fact that he needed help and meds, he's been a changed man. But it took him several years to get to that place.
You are in for a long road ahead. Be patient with him and yourself. Also, know that he probably feels horribly guilty about his illness and what it's done to you. The good thing is that he is seeking help and wants to get C with you. That's really remarkable.
Hi bluestar. Good point about the priority being his mental health.
I don't know if he is bipolar. I don't think he knows either. He has a therapist, so I know he is being seen.
But good point, thanks for your post.
I saw him today, we didn't talk about anything serious. He has applied for a new job and they seem ready to accept him. He believes he will be much happier in a new job. I don't know if that's true, but that's where he's at. He hasn't told his current employers anything. So we'll see how and if that changes things.
Hm, is he the kind of guy who thinks external changes will make all the difference? Just thinking back to when you were saying he likes to please others..which means he's not sure where his 'centre' is, if you see what I mean?
To look at it positively though, the new job could mean a fresh start for him.
I think until he has a diagnosis, it's a bit unclear where this is headed.
But while you stay strong and keep nuturing a welcoming home environment for you and bub, he will continue to be attracted to you. In time, if he get's well, I am sure you'll start to be attracted to him again.
I realise this time must be a bit frustrating for you. Luckily you have work to distract you, not to mention fellow DBers!
He does think external changes will make him happier. He's always chasing... yes, he definitely doesn't know his center.
Yeah, I am happy he'll be leaving the place with the chick he made out with. If shes even there anymore... but a new job means new chicks!
It's so interesting you point out me being attracted to him. It's true. I've just been wondering the past couple of days. I love love love him. But... I really want a full partner. I want someone to value and cherish me. Oh, blah blah blah. it's what we all want!
But I do need to have patience. Patience patience patience.
And yes work, friends on this site, needing to exercise, planning for holidays, hanging out with friends, and being an energetic mom are all great distractions!
Thanks all... I'll let ya know if he ever brings up counseling again!
Consumed with work and the quality or non-quality of my daycare.
Making 'em work.
spoke with WH about his interview; he has to now decide if he wants to take it or not. (there were a few things he didn't like when he took a look today.)
While we were on the phone I felt like he was irritated with me. And I have no idea why. He called me, and then texted 5 minutes later and I told him I was busy with ( ) and would get back to him. I called him about 20 minutes later.
Is he jealous?
Or was I just being sensitive?
It's really hard to do this no-communication relationship stuff.
G, you accidently posted a name there. Ask the moderators to delete your post, no? Click on "notify" at the bottom of the post and write them a quick note.
Your H seems a bit distracted at the moment. All the more reason to get on with your stuff. Distract yourself with work, bub and friends.
I have been thinking more about the MC thing, after reading John28's thread (worth a read) and advice given there (p 28) on bringing up MC. The general idea is that don't control or baby WH by bringing it up. He has to want it or it will fail anyway. I guess that also comes back to Allen's idea that the man-child has to walk his own path.
Helpful or not, I am not sure!
(good luck with the daycare. what's working and not working? how many days is she in now?)
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
yes, its true. he has to do it himself. thanks for reminding me about that! i'm seeing him tonite and i won't bring it up. even though i REALLY want to.
About daycare, well... today will be her 3rd time. She stays for about 5 hours or less.
The person who speaks English who communicates with me is about 21 or so. Oh, little girl is sleeping so i'll finish this later.
The girl who I talk with most (the daughter of the main caretaker) uses language that makes it seem like they don't care. She asked if little girl wanted to be held a lot (i said um... no, only when she needs to be) and describes her as being 'not a problem' when i pick her up. She also says she's "quiet" and says it positively. English is her second language, probably, so there might be some barriers there.
but I worry that they're all about having a compliant, low-work baby and don't pay her much attention.
Today I felt better, though. I asked specific questions about when she smiled, and I got answers. The daughter also texted me throughout the day with how little girl was doing.
So that's that!
WH: saw him tonight, just talked about the job he'll probably take. It will be good for a fresh start.
ALSO, WH bought a bike! (Remember when he was trying to figure out what he wanted?) And he hopes to sell his car. So... there we go!
I am still frustrated about not really being in a real relationship. I want to tell him counseling-or-get-outta-here but I'll wait a bit longer.
