I went back and read your sitch. I understand your anger and frustration.
I believe your W is having a MLC. All the hallmarks are there. As Lance said MLC = Confusion and your W has really put you through the ringer there.
You really need to detach from her antics. It's clear she doesn't know what she wants. All this does is keep you on the rollercoaster. Step off, and wave kindly as she speeds by.
This is a long process. You can't cajole her out of it, threaten her out of it, or buy her out of it. She has to face those internal issues and deal with them by herself. She hasn't stopped spinning long enough to be able to begin to deal with them yet.
While she is like this IC, MC will do no good as she is not ready to listen. No program will help at this time.
What kind of childhood did your W have? Has she gone through menopause yet? When in midlife transition going through menopause can derail the train into a full blown crisis.
Would she see a Dr. to have her hormone levels checked? If they are not in balance it would certainly add to her problems.
Bobby please go through the detachment article again. It is for you. It doesn't mean that you stop loving your W. It just allows you to be able to step back and love her from a distance while not letting her antics rule how you live your life.
This is going to take patience that you probably didn't realize was possible. After all is said and done there are still no guarantees. It does seem to me though if she really wanted to leave she would have done so. Again, do NOT leave your home.
I think you've been doing a great job and your W is very lucky that you've hung in there. Hopefully one day she'll wake up and realize the treasure she has.
