More on that teary phone call to WH last night.... WH let me talk and cry and talk and cry some more...and I asked him at one point how couldhe have done this to me/us? He said, very quietly, "Because it was the only thing I could do". And I said, "H, there were many other choices you could have made", and he said "Yes, but at the time it was the only one I could do."
......
This made me very remorseful, because I knew that had I detached and allowed WH the space he begged me for in the beginning to get his head straight, I might not be on this forum today. I KNOW that I crowded him out and pushed him to her and then for the next 7 months made it impossible for him to trust me to be strong and to come back to me.
......
I do feel slightly hopeful (like 1%) that with time, WH will come back. But only if I have changed.
......
My IC said hate & love go together. Right now WH 'hates' me. That's how he could do what he did.
.....
G, you said somewhere that maybe all this happened for some reason...
That's true. I need to be a different person. I need to grow up. I need to go this alone. I need to get strong.
I hope I can snare WH back from the grasp of OW one day.
TO do this it's ME that needs to change, cos that's all I can control.
From now on, ALL my communication MUST be calm, cool and collected.
I NEED to get on with life, including organising a trip to Europe to see my family and friends there, and in order to be able to see WH again. This is a while off, though....
