Hi ris, Yes, it is a little confusing isn't it. I get tangled up in knowing how to do it 'right', too. I think we all do, especially when emotions are high.
To me, I think the thing about validation that makes it tough to pin down, is that it requires the listener to be flexible; to be able to respond in different ways depending on what is being communicated, and the mood of the situation. I just try to keep it simple - even nodding your head and saying just 'uh-huh...tell me more' can work.
When you really look at it, validation is just about making the speaker feel heard; feel 'felt'; feel that their feelings have been acknowledged and accepted, even if they're not agreed with; well, just listened to. That's all. At least, that's my take. I know, though... it's easy to say. But just keep trying - if you keep it genuine and from your heart, he'll be able to tell, and feel it. And if you flub a word or two, just take a breathe, and try again. It will be ok.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
