The punches keep coming. W and I Talked about S school, had to pry a bit, but W has already signed a lease on a place for her and the kids, and has enrolled S in school. Originally I was uspet about this, then I realized its probably for the best. I realize I am trying to rush my changes, and it is coming across as false. W is done, she stated she keeps waffling back and forth, but in reality she is making her "actions" towards filing and leaving. I dont believe what she says, but the fact she filed and signed a lease last week are pretty good indicators that she is moving on.
So what choices do i have now? well I guess its really easy to answer that. I need to get my sh!t together, work on me and do things for me.Tonight I did realize how much I have damaged are M. I said I understood her choice, did not ask her to reconsider, just went along with her choice. She is at the point that no matter what I say she doesnt believe me, I dont blame her really. I have lied about small and large things, mainly because of my ego, and in the end it truly caught up with me and our M.
She told me she doesnt believe I am ready to change, she feels the IC and the other things I am doing are just to make her feel better. She is upset that I received a mailer from Twin Peaks, she says you dont respect our M. I wanted to defend myself, on some points I did most of them i did not, I let her speak and I listened. She is freaked out that I am already dating, which is one point I stood firm on that was not the case. I can tell she is very tore up about this, she is friendly but she gets very emotional when we talk. She is still very attached, but she is set in her ways right now.
Do I think its the end for us? maybe maybe not. But any chance of reconciliation in the near future is a long shot. I have realized that tonight, and for now, I am ok with it. I told her I would help her move which I think surprised her. She does not expect me to cover her insurance any longer, god I am glad I did not rent a house yet. I have a buddy who lives in a nice house by himself and said I can rent a room there. With the current financial sitch, all in all things are happening the way they are for a reason.
I can stay with him, focus on work and save money. She said she can be civil with me, and have normal conversation, but anything else hurts too much for her. I guess that is her saying she is still attached in some way. Dont know if this is typical or not.
I guess the divorce and the living apart will either let her move on or miss me, obviously she is so angry about the lying I have done, that no matter what I do now, it will not work. I think the only option is to bury the old M, and let us both start off clean apart. any thoughts out there???
