Ok we had our conversation regarding the financials and it got interesting and i am not sure whether we made progress or I completely slid backwards.
Earlier in the day there was a not so polite exchange of emails which I instigated due to her removing my name off a store discount card which we both purchased without telling me and it was refused when i tried to use it.
I was pi$$ed and emailed her back regarding meeting on the financials and told her i wanted the whole thing over asap, i said I know we are done and that i am not sure i even want her in my life anymore. Also told her the scramble to wipe every trace of me and our history from her life is disrespectful and insulting to me and now I will help her along in this respect if she wishes.
When I got home she had some dinner ready ( which never happens ) and we sat down and talked calmly about how we will split things up, deal with our obligations and organize buying new houses. we joked around a bit which is a change from the last month.
I insisted she pay equally towards the mortgage and all expenses i the house even though she earns far less than me and she agreed.
I told her that i counted the silent treatment and starting arguments all the time as completely unacceptable and she agreed it would stop and admitted it was taking it's toll on her too
She then asked what were we doing with the vacation and i said i have not decided and I will just have to see how i feel closer to the time. I said I still intend to go and I would have to get paid a lot of money to go anywhere with her right now. She laughed and agreed it would not work unless we could enjoy each others company. I also told her she needs to pay her half of the outstanding cost if she wishes to go. She offered to do it there and then but i refused and said I did not want her to as it is easier for me to make a decision if she doesn't pay till last minute. Then i wont feel bad about refusing to go with her if that's my choice.
She asked can we start over and treat each other more respectfully and i said that was my wish from the beginning. She asked if it would be possible to remain friends after we separate and i replied i don't know, it may be something that happens but it cant be forced or have any preconditions.
we actually had a nice conversation about stuff unrelated to the R and then i ended it and left to go out to the gym.
Now I am thinking of starting a gentler version of the LRT.
1. No R talk
2. Continue enjoying my life
3. Ask her nothing unless she offers it.
4. Be a bit more social but not overly so
5. leave the "friends" thing as an option but make her work for it. If it is not working for me I can drop it.
6. For the most part let things run their course. If it works it works and if it doesn't it was not meant to be.
I am sure we are still separating but feel that at least we have opened up some lines of communications. She also mentioned right at the end that if we talk like this there is no huge hurry to move out. I just responded that I agree with her that we need to separate and we need to continue moving towards that goal as I don't want to remain in this limbo.
Not sure if i need a 2X4 or a pat on the back but whatever it is I feel a lot better tonite. Not sure our R is anymore fixable but I feel better.
