She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

I hate to hear it but Greek you're probably right. She is unwilling to commit to us after telling me she could.

Saying something and doing it are two different things. Seems she had an expectation of how she should feel after she told you she was 'all in'. After that expectation wasn't met she got cold feet.

I wonder if she panicked because she felt you moving away and did the only thing she could think of doing to get a hold on you.

She's willing to test the waters and see if I'm all out. I'm so important to her that she's willing to let me go instead of taking a chance.

Perhaps her fear is that great. Some people freeze in the face of fear.

This is unfair to me to be expected to wait around for her.

Of all the posts I've read here never did I see someone say that a person should 'wait around' for their spouse. Don't wait around tbart. If she can't make up her mind, you go keep building the life you want. Build it with the expectation she will not be in your life.

She has already shown that she's flighty. She can't make a decision even after making one.

I'll tell ya...if I only had a nickle every time I read this or experienced it with my WAS....

I though this was it for sure. this was different than the other time she said she wanted me back. All she had to do this time was show me she was committed and drop the D.

In a way it was different. She put more than her pinkie toe in the water. Some people start with looking, then the end of their toe, the pinkie toe, two toes, a foot, then take it out and stand there deciding if they really want to go into that pool. Most people don't just jump right in...like I do most of the time..

It's not like I came to her and gave her these demands. She came to me and presented these actions. Now she's telling me that she feels like I'm pressuring her by telling her all in or all out.

To you it's not pressure because you want to go ALL IN. To her it IS pressure because she is so unsure of what 'the right thing' to do is.

Remember, there's two perspectives here. Yours and hers. For you it's easy to think of all in because you're in the position you're in. If you were in her position, it's possible you wouldn't be able to really stomach all in.

I believe it was her that said she was all in.

Ok. Certainty and believe are two different things. If she said all in then she said it, if she didn't, then how can you possibly hold her to it?

If she lets me walk away, which it apears she is, then I won't be so willing to come back again. This was a huge let down on her part. She told me what she wanted to do and did none of it.

I got sucked in and I feel like a fool. She had me be part of the family for a week. She fooled me and the kids.

tbart don't look at it so much as her fooling you. This implies something that is purposefully done and premeditated.

If you read a few posts into when you 'came back here', you'll notice a few people told you not to bite on the first piece of bait she throws your way.

I think it was Coach (forgive me if I'm wrong Coach)who said something along those lines. When his spouse said she wanted to come back he just kept doing what he was doing. He made her work for it to show how willing and committed she was.

"You know W, I see how unsure you are and how you are flip-flopping in your decision making. Tell you what, you go over there and think about. Figure out what you want to do. In the meantime I'll be heading that way (the direction of your choosing). I make no promises of where I may be if you decide you want to really commit to this, but I do know I'm not going to be sitting here just waiting around."

Re-read what Coach said about attraction.

We mistakenly believe our spouse 'falls out of love' with us, when I'm really starting to understand they just lose their attraction to us. I never believed in the whole 'I fell out of love' stuff so the attraction angle makes so much more sense to me.