hi guys Sorry I missed all of these...I haven't checked my own post since last week. Where have I been??
Lance Absolutely. I felt terrible last week. Definitely depressed. No 2x4 needed..you are right. Between my father being sick and dealing with my M being over...I was very very teary last week.
Here is the strange thing. I felt terrible for a few days and then I feel OK again. So is that depression? I have never really suffered from 'depression'. I have been depressed before...but never for long periods of time.
Here is my theory on it..perhaps I am completely WAY off. I am not someone who wears her emotions on her sleeve. I am always saying 'I'm OK'...'no big deal'. I think the past few weeks it has all pretty much caught up with me. I NEEDED to be depressed. I NEEDED to cry. I NEEDED to start feeling all the sadness that I haven't allowed myself to feel. I am not sure if that makes me depressed...but I sure felt very depressed last week. I would just start tearing up at my desk for no real good reason. I have felt OK since Friday (perhaps Little Friday did the trick lol).
I do typically exercise but haven't been able to do that so much between going to the hospital to see my father and work...although I did exercise today. I do eat very well. Pretty much the same foods over and over again because I am too lazy to cook myself a fancy meal...but I eat plenty of fruits, veggies, protein, fish etc. I actually get mocked at work all the time for my healthy eating. I'm always very structured for lunch...dinner- not so much. As I mentioned- usually egg whites, avocado and whole grain toast. Pretty much my staple. I lost quite a bit of weight over this whole thing but I did put about 5lbs back on... And yes- I do take vitamins every day. I was quite a health nut before my M fell apart. I am not as fanatic as I was before...especially with the exercise but I will definitely be starting that up again asap.
Now the sleep thing is interesting. I go from being exhausted to being wired. I do wake pretty early in the morning...followed by days that I sleep just great. It is really day by day. Some days I fall asleep by 9pm and some nights I cannot get to sleep....so my sleep is definitely erratic.
Is it depression that is causing to me to question love, my life, my decisions, my passions (or lack there of)....maybe. I'm not sure. Some days...nothing makes much sense to me...other days- I feel alright. I am hoping that this is part of my healing process. Maybe because I never let myself feel my feelings (according to my IC)...maybe my feelings were just crashing in on me...forcing me to feel things I was trying to avoid feeling...if this makes any sense.
