what better excuse can you come up with for getting out of the house?
Do you mean instead of just withdrawing I should just not be around, find things to do and stay busy? I try, but I also have to consider time with the kids and need to be with them regularly if I am to get custody of them.
If anyone would like to offer advice/input I WILL listen. I really need help with this one.
Is that fact that she thinks I am acting like everything is fine a good thing or not. I think it means I am missing the target with my detaching. I am NOT pursueing in any form that I know of. I do have conversationos with her about the kids and D stuff but that's it. If she makes off hand commetns about the sleeping arrangments or the process itself I offer that she has choices (it's your choice to sleep in the guest room for example)
I don't ask her anything or offer anything else unless it has to do with the handling of the kids or things we are selling (since she filed I have to make sure she agrees with the selling of assets)
I did suggest that since we are working the parenting plan, that the parent of the week should actually be responsible for everything as is the other was not there. Trying to enforce what life will be like. Right now she is cake eating in that I have been transporting D8, making dinner, cleaning up the kitchen/house as well as other outside chores and repairs tpo teh house. She just comes home from work and relaxes....
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, I'm sorry but I need to understand exactly what you mean by "follow her actions"
Does that mean act as she is acting i.e. divorced, or are you saying let her actions tell me how to respond? Like if she is talkative then be talkative, if she is withdrawn then withdraw.
I am by no means an expert and I am going through my own difficulties, but it seems to me that at some point she needs to realize what divorced life is like. I don't think you shoud be doing all of the work and the relationship (as it is) should be fair. My suggestion (and it worked for me) is to spilt the chores like if you cook - she does the dishes. Don't clean -let the house become a mess. She will figure that out soon. I have a marraige in trouble and I realized that I was doing all of house work and neglecting myself and family. I have reconnected with my kids, lost a lot of weight, and stopped doing stuff. I came home last week and she fixed dinner. She weeded the flower beds and even cleaned the upstairs portion of the house. That hasn't happened in a long time.
Gef, that's what I was thinking when I told her that we should act like the off week parent is not even there. She needs to actually be responsible for ALL the work on her week.
I think that you shouldn't be "acting" so much as doing/showing. She doesn't want to see melty man all crushed by her leaving. She'll be attracted to strong yet humble guy who is a good father, and in control of his life.
All the stuff about acting like the off week parent isn't around won't matter until she's out of the house and really experiences the results of her actions. Just spend as much time with your kids now. Don't let her cake eat though.
I can not let the house go to pot to show her what it would feel like to be divorced and she has to pick up more chores. She has always done more chores than me.
My 180 is to take care of the house like I don't need her and that everything will be fine in my life. Unfortunately I still can't muster the gumption to make this happen as well as I would like. I need to make this place spotless and organized.
The more I stay off this site, the more I get done around the house.
Last edited by Chuck66; 08/18/1012:54 PM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
