Mila, Cas, CW, SA, and punkin…….thanks for your feedback. I am a bit confused about how to proceed. XH and I clearly still have a special connection but my sense is that XH is afraid of that connection. When we played table tennis last time XH even made some kind of comment about balls in his pocket (pretty sure he was referring to the warm, soft kind) and made eye contact with me. I was a bit slow on the uptake so didn’t follow up with a comment.
After our fun times recently, XH has hopped into his car and “run away”. He e-mailed me, and copied his sister, a long e-mail on Friday talking about an interaction with his mother and his frustration that she can’t remember. I waited until last night and replied to him in kind (to him only, didn’t CC X-SIL). He replied today: “Hey....Thanks for your thoughts & observations on mom. I know there will be ups & downs with mom.... Like us all! I am heading North on Sat till Friday... Vaca & business trip. FYI………….(and a couple house-keeping things)………..Mr. GAG”. When I got this email I thought two things: (1)XH signed his full name, rather than his first initial (signing emails with only the 1st letter of our names was an affectionate thing he and I did --- I started signing my full name after the D; XH signed his full name for about 4 months after the bomb, but then resumed signing with the 1st letter almost always) and (2) this will be the 3rd extended work/recreational trip that I am aware of in the last month. This makes me suspicious that he is going out of town with an OW because this was something that he and I did early in our R and I know he has done this in other R’s too. I am puzzled because these trips would have been planned before or during the last 2 months when things began warming up between us.
This development (my suspicions about an OW) is juxtaposed with a very, very strong sense and a peacefulness on Saturday evening, that XH would be coming home in the future. This is the 2nd time that I have had such a strong intuitive sense in my situation. The first time was in March when I sensed that XH and his BMF (very BAD influence) were not on speaking terms. Four months later XH told me that he and BMF hadn’t been speaking………….I don’t normally have strong feelings like this, so who knows? But faith and grace have gotten me this far and I will rely on them to lead me forward.
I spoke with Jody on Saturday and want to summarize her thoughts here, but a college friend is visiting on business for a couple days and will be arriving at my house shortly. So I will post this now and return with Jody’s perspective when I have a chance.
