Weird that H can notice without even realizing he notices. I guess that's part of why DB works. I guess it's good to go further in the NC direction as this is what is getting results, however minor they are.
I hope the other guy calls out of the blue - he was my third date actually and I really like him. On the other hand, I'm doing great just getting on with my life and (convincing myself) of the attitude of "his loss." No expectations but he is nice so if he calls again I'll wait a few days and then perhaps see him again if there's a nice offer.
As for H, more happenings today. I think I handled it ok, at least with more 180s! Had to meet to separate our retirement accounts per our legal separation agreements. FIrstly, H tells me only last night that we need to do it this morning. I should have just not allowed such short notice, but Ms. Nice said fine I understand your busy schedule, and made the app.
First of all, it's emotional for me. I don't want to be separated or divorced, and yet I can't let this show. Secondly, I misread his email, where he asked me to bring certain documents, so I didn't. Thirdly, H stresses out in the bank and in front of S about "did I read the email", "why didn't I read the email," etc. Then he asks me to run home and get the documents. Again, I shouldn't have but I did ( the accounts are market sensitive and needed to be done today). Of course, I couldnt find the "right" set of documents, only an earlier draft. Of course H is on the phone instructing me and asking "why don't you know where it is?" "you dont know where it is?" "It's in an envelope" etc - me just saying "look I only have the earlier document if you need the other one, I need more notice than the night before" was being ignored.
I'm really mad and start to speak up for myself (180) saying this is hard on me enough and frankly if he wants a D he should be doing this himself, not asking me to gather these documents, etc, and that I did not like how he embarassed me in public and in front of S by grilling me about the email. He said ok and started to calm his tone down, although still pressuring me. AND I know how negatively he thinks of me - it's been stated far too many times before. So I'm increasingly uncomfortable.
Finally, I get back to the bank, it's been almost an hour now cut out of my vacation time with S, ( I had interrupted his playdate to rush over and meet H per his requests - bad move) and when I get there - the final straw.
After sitting for ten more minutes - on the other side of the room, I cannot even look at or speak to H now I'm so disgusted, the teller says that H can just EMAIL THE DOCUMENT.
I DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE AFTER ALL THAT RUNNING AROUND, PRESSURE, SHAME, CONDESCENTION, AND STRESS. I took S and walked straight out without talking to H.
And here's the typical H move: H yells down the street to me: "don't you want to talk about 'the schedule FOR TONIGHT'?" Well I had already emailed him my rehearsal schedule for the week and I reminded him as I kept walking. He then shouts further: "well because of all this, I won't be able to make it on time tonight to pick up S." He knows I have a paid gig tonight ... it's punishment, not because suddenly he needs more time.
Well if that doesn't encourage me to go NC (so I don't get bullied around for no reason) and to fight for legal custody (so he can't just disappear on his nights) then I don't know what will.
I am waiting 24/48 hrs before I say anything if I do at all but right now I feel like giving him a piece of my mind in the name of standing up for myself - usually I would just run around and then feel bad for causing HIM stress!
But in reality, FIL is coming this week and this reminds me to STAY AWAY as dark as possible - as I was feeling seduced into spending family time because of S.
