21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

LSG,
Those are good words. I will keep on keeping on. I am very disciplined (20 years Air Force :>)

BG,
I am very good at keeping calm and not picking fights. That's why I am somewhat disappointed that I am not seeing any feedback from W showing any change in behavior. Maybe that's why I'm putting the stick in the hornet's nest by taking someone other than W to the next family baseball game. I hate status quo.

A good DBer is one who gets results. I must be a terrible DBer too.

I know it's frustrating at times. It is for me too. But I never EVER show it. I'm so happy when she is around she has called me giddy, lol. I almost sound like an informercial when I talk to the kids. "Hi I'm Billy Mays, What do you guys want for breakfast?! POPTARTS? GOOD CALL!"

[idontunderstand]

IDK, Chuck. I don't know if there is a definition of a "good" DB'er. You can DB your a$$ off and do everything right and still not be able to save your M if the other person isn't willing. After all, DB'ing is about improving one's self, right?

To me, a good or successful DBer is one who realizes their faults, makes positive changes to themselves and becomes the person they thought they always could be. That means facing fears and overcoming them.

You sound like you have the perfect attitude to be successful at this. Don't cut yourself short. You are doing fine.

[Chuck66]

I don't believe DBing is about improving one's self. DB stands for Divorce Busting. So the goal should be to stay married. GAL is about improving one's self and is but one tool on the DB toolkit.

I am military so I measure success by obtaining a goal. If you improve yourself but can't bust the divorce, then in my book you were not successful. That doesn't mean you are not a better person, one who has learned through this process. And you may be a success in your next R and are happier in life, but you were not successful at busting a divorce and remaining married. It's an elusive goal because You have to GAL and maybe the other person will try to engage in the R. So even if you were the best DB'er in the world you could still be unsuccessful because your spouse made the decision not to succeed for you. Boy was that a rambling paragraph.

The couple that have been inviting me over to church the past two weeks came for a visit. My W and his W talked. I could see my W crying which is the first emotion from her in a long time. Friend's W wouldn't tell me what they discussed. Friend also said the risk is way higher than the gain for taking a young lady to the baseball game. Said why risk custody. Good point. I acquiesced and will not take her. They knew us the past 2 years and cannot believe the change in our R. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Yes I know there is no such thing as perfect anything.

I feel like I am doing fine too, I'm just starting to get impatient. I think I found this site within a week or 2 of the bomb. I went straight away to detach with a few hiccups. And now I have lots to do and not enough time to do it. So my GAL force is strong. And I need to stay away from Starbucks. It gets too expensive.

[LeeSC]

I don't believe DBing is about improving one's self. DB stands for Divorce Busting. So the goal should be to stay married. GAL is about improving one's self and is but one tool on the DB toolkit.

I am military so I measure success by obtaining a goal. If you improve yourself but can't bust the divorce, then in my book you were not successful. That doesn't mean you are not a better person, one who has learned through this process. And you may be a success in your next R and are happier in life, but you were not successful at busting a divorce and remaining married. It's an elusive goal because You have to GAL and maybe the other person will try to engage in the R. So even if you were the best DB'er in the world you could still be unsuccessful because your spouse made the decision not to succeed for you. Boy was that a rambling paragraph.

Iagree

[botanygirl]

And I need to stay away from Starbucks. It gets too expensive.

lol I also need to stay away! I have been frequenting it too much and I am a naturopathic doctor....we aren't supposed to drink caffeine!! Partially I go just to be around other people and people watch...and to get away from my D for a little while and remember what it was to be when I just had to worry about me.

[Chuck66]

Thanks LeeSC! You sure know how to validate! You can now where the Validation badge from the DB school of hard knocks.

BC,

I like the Venti which is the largest drink for you non-Starbucks folks. I usually order a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte with 5 sweet n lows. It still has too many calories and costs more than $4, but tastes great!

Sometimes I order a Venti Misto with 5 sweet n lows and it tastes fair, costs less and has only 70 calories.

Best thing for me to do is make a cup of coffee at home with creamer and sweetener. Much more economical. Unfortunately I use Starbucks as a pit stop when I am GALing. I tell the W I have to be somewhere by a certain time and don't tell her where...it's usually just Starbucks so it is the center piece of my fictional social life.

[LRT Land]

try the venti bold coffee with a sugar-free flavor. I have them add hazelnut, then add cinnamon, nutmeg and ff milk on my own. It's cheaper and very low in calories!

[Chuck66]

I sure will try that! What is "bold" BTW?

[LRT Land]

The regular coffee is Pike Place and the "bold" changes every couple of days - could be Verona, Gold Coast, etc. If you are used to lattes you'll like the bold. I switched from lattes to this concoction because of the price and now I don't even like lattes anymore.

[Chuck66]

Cool! I knew I should have started this thread with something about Starbucks then I would get more traffic!