Time to get the placement of the kids, payments and division of property settled and move forward...Next big events are Mediation for the kids placement and moving out. My new life is starting to look pretty good, even from here!
How can we help?
I'm not sure how you can help. Got any ideas?
On Wednesday night, W and I are going to try to divide our possessions so that I can start packing this weekend while she and the kids are out of town and move the following weekend.
She has given me the use of the truck in the temporary order and it is worth $10,000 according to the blue book private seller price. Because I am getting that asset, she thinks she is entitled to whatever else she wants in terms of furntiture and appliances. We could have an appraiser come in and value all of our stuff, but I think we can probably agree on who gets what. I just have to be realistic, since I am getting the truck, or, I guess I could sell it and see what I get.
We'll just sit down and hammer it out I suppose. We both want the same table, so someone will have to give in. She wants to keep the high efficiency washer and dryer and all the appliances. We both want the grill. She wants the china and to give me the crappy dishes, but the china came from my family. I guess I didn't want it at wedding time, so I should probably just forego it. She wants me to take all the tools (I have lots of them) and the fishing/hunting equipment.
I don't know. I'm sure it will be "fun". She said she needs the computer because she can't afford to buy a new one. I said that I can't afford to buy a new grill either. I've just got to remember to keep this civil and move on. I can replace possessions eventually.
Who has been through mediation of child placement. Since she has told her sister that she thinks the current placement arrangement will carry-through to the final decree, I'm guessing she won't agree to split placement in mediation. What will the mediator do then? Is it just wasted time? I suppose that we will have a guardian ad-litem appointed then and he will interview us and the kids. The kids are 9 & 11. If they say they want to live with Mom, will he give her primary placement?
The problem with never having been through this is that I don't know what I don't know, so I don't know what to ask you for help with. I'm planning to just take it as it comes and make the best of it. I figure that I am at rock bottom now and it probably can't get any worse, so I am ready. I will do all I can to fight for my kids and will prepare my best for mediation. I will take your phrases (R2C) and put them to use along with any other level-headed information I can.
I really can't wait to move out. I would love to move now, but don't need to make another rent payment if I don't have to.
If you can think of anything that I should know, please feel free to hit me over the head with it.
I wish I could offer you some concrete advice. I have no idea what to expect either. You seem like you are handling this as well as can be expected.
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I really can't wait to move out. I would love to move now, but don't need to make another rent payment if I don't have to.
I can sure relate to this! It wasn't so long ago that I would drive up my long driveway and be worried if her van was gone. My greatest fear was her leaving. Now, I wish she would. We have to deal with not having our kids part of the time. That much is out of our control and has become my greatest fear. Fear is no good when it comes to that. We have to make the best of it. As much as we hate it, our kids hate it even more. It's our DUTY as fathers to make it as easy a possible on them and I know that you will.
I fought for joint residency NO SUPPORT from day 1. We spent hours in mediation where she would preach about wanting our daughter to sleep at her place M-F during the school week. She wanted that "stability" for her. Usual WAS mentality that it's all about them. I would then reply with I agree. She can stay at my place m-f and to my amazement the mediator agreed and told her the same. Then she tried scaring me by filing a petition for full. Which led to the court assigning a GAL (Guardian ad litem) and having the GAL report state that I should be giving full custody. Only then did she start seeing my perspective. Has been great ever since.
We eventually settled on a joint residency co-parenting arrangement where I would have her Wed/Thur and every other wkend and she has her mon/tues. and every other wkend.
So decide what YOU want and dont back down. You and your kids will regret it later.
I fought for joint residency NO SUPPORT from day 1. We spent hours in mediation where she would preach about wanting our daughter to sleep at her place M-F during the school week. She wanted that "stability" for her. Usual WAS mentality that it's all about them. I would then reply with I agree. She can stay at my place m-f and to my amazement the mediator agreed and told her the same. Then she tried scaring me by filing a petition for full. Which led to the court assigning a GAL (Guardian ad litem) and having the GAL report state that I should be giving full custody. Only then did she start seeing my perspective. Has been great ever since.
We eventually settled on a joint residency co-parenting arrangement where I would have her Wed/Thur and every other wkend and she has her mon/tues. and every other wkend.
So decide what YOU want and dont back down. You and your kids will regret it later.
Hold the line. PMA
If there is such a thing as a great story when a D can't be avoided, this is it!
Thanks IDU!! It was a difficult journey, but a great learning experience. I never realized how strong I could be. I used the experience to do MY WORK and become the person I wanted to be. She on the other hand is still "stuck" and will face her "demons" some day.
I'm serious, PMA. That is a great story. It seems pretty common with us LBH to be scared of the courts and losing everything. I know there are people who have gotten screwed but when you do your homework and "get your ducks in a row", we are worth more than we think. Things don't automatically seem to lean toward to woman so much and, unless there is abuse of any kind, we can hope to be treated fairly.
I am so glad things turned out for you and for LSG. I know he was worried. It's time a few things went his way!
I hear ya. I was definitely on the defense at first. But as time in court went by I gained confidence and strength. Not to mention all the support I received from my family, friends and this site. I also took pride in staying on the high road. She tried badmouthing me to teachers and doctors, friends, etc. even called DCFS on me with a bogus claim,, BUT it all blow up in her face when that GAL report came out stating that she is "talking bad about the other parent which is negatively influencing the minor child..."
So the "truth" will truly set you free. Although, sometimes it takes a while
So the "truth" will truly set you free. Although, sometimes it takes a while
I have caught my W in so many lies I have lost track. I really think she believes most of them. I hope when they do come out and she is faced with the fact that she has been so deceitful for so long, it will be a wake up call for her.
If your WAW truly cared about the children, she would make sure that their father spent at least 50% of the time with them, just as you intend for her. She would be selfish to expect more time with them then that, since they need a father just as much as a mother. The pain of not having them with her all of the time, is self-induced, since she is the one that left the M and put your children at risk of various added stresses that is yet to come. Children of divorce do have a more difficult childhood, and it is made more difficult when one parent has limited access to them, and limited parenting opportunities. 50/50, I think is as good as one have it under the circumstances.
Just a thought.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
and to my amazement the mediator agreed and told her the same. Then she tried scaring me by filing a petition for full. Which led to the court assigning a GAL (Guardian ad litem) and having the GAL report state that I should be giving full custody. Only then did she start seeing my perspective. Has been great ever since. 