Sometimes I feel like i am just checking off the days to see how much closer I am to not being here. I know I shouldn't think that way but I do. Even with keeping busy and having some fun I still get down.
Got into a bit of an argument with H this AM. I checked his wallet and found a receipt with OW name on it for a bus in Las Vegas. Means that she did go with him. Not that it really matters but I don't understand why he feels the need to continue to lie.
I threw it in his face and then made comments about what I found on his email and so now he has changed his password again.
I just hope he hasn't figured out how I am doing this b/c if he does I don't know what he will do to me. I know i should just stop but I just can't. I continue to search for the answers b/c he just won't be honest with me and tell me the truth.
At least one good thing that comes out of this.....I can smell a lier and a cheat from miles away. I will never let anything like this happen again. Men will fear me if they are ever able to get close enough! Terrible but true. I can't ever let my guard down again and I will never let anyone in the way I let him into my life.
I secretly hope that one day I won't feel like this but right now this is how i need to feel.
Haven't heard from my friend today. Last email he sent said "have a good time this weekend. i will be here when you get back". I have decided not to reply and see if he will eventually reply on his own. I don't know what i want to do about this R but I do know that I don't want to be constantly persuing....even if it is just email messages. Also I know I need to "find myself" even though I am pretty sure I know who I am but I guess I need to listen to what everyone is telling me.
M=42 H=51 Common-law 6yr Children: 11yr old daughter (previous marrIage) 6yr old son Bomb dropped January 2013
