What he has said is that I need to work on getting her to like me again to work on things that we both had fun doing and to listen to her. His take on this is that at some point she will start to lose interest in him and gravitate towards me. If I push her - she will continue to see him and I will drive her away. It is taking everything that I have to not try and find this guy (to see who he is) and/or determine the exact extent of the relationship. It is hurting me in the worst way to know that she is talking with him while we are going through this.
What are the boundries that you would suggest? What would happen if she violated them?
How do I get her to suspend the EA and work on us without driving her away?
Should we seperate or call it quits? I can't go on forever like this.
Yet she still wants to continue with counseling.
Gef
Your counseler didn't reinforce that she needs to end all contact with the OM in order to work on her marriage?? TIME TO GET A NEW COUNSELOR. I'll repeat my previous question: Does this guy have ANY experience with infidelity???
That's just malpractice, I'm sorry. As long as your wife is in contact with OM, it is a physiological fact that she will remain blocked to any changes that you make, such as the ones he's suggesting.
And you know what, I'll take it even further: any good INDIVIDUAL counselor (IC) would/should tell her the same thing. For her OWN sake, she needs to be making these potentially life-changing (and family-destroying) decisions WITHOUT THE INFLUENCE OF A THIRD PERSON. Regardless of what she feels about you or the marriage, that's just the only emotionally healthy way for her to approach her OWN mental and emotional health.
Puppy
Its tough, once the WAS has built up their entitlement in that they should be able to have an OM or OW. That ego is hard to penetrate, even if the OM or OW is gone. They usually know they can do it again. I mean is the "cake" just knowing that they know they can cheat on you, and they like it?
