My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Scheduled an appointment with the MC today - just for me. I am struggling as of late and I'm trying to get through this. I need help processing:

Should I have seen this coming?
Is it addiction or not?
No contact vs. contact?
Compassionate detachment - what does it really look like?
Forgiving myelf - did I deserve this? What role did I play in this?
How much movement forward should I be making?

I feel as though I need to hear from someone who knows both of us and has seen from all sides the collapse of this.

Basically - I am stuck. I was moving forward and doing better but I feel like I am at a point where maybe I'm afraid of "letting go and letting God" - you know? It's completely giving it all over and just living my life w/o any part of H. I think I have this fear and profound sense of loss that's weighing heavily on my heart that is also preventing me from really letting go.

Thanks for letting me share.