Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

I'm not mind reading, but I suspect it was because of the way I acted last night when I left all sudden like after she "rejected" me for sex when I wasn't pursuing. That, and I left my phone easily accessible for her for hours today.

Cheater's Mentality.

She likes to cheat so she suspects you are cheating also. Remember the hair band incident?

Yep. My thoughts exactly.

The whole rejection thing is curious. Come watch me strip and put on a show for you, but dont expect any sex. Come get real close and wax me, but dont touch. Repect my boundaries, But I do like talking with other boys, so I won't respect yours. I'm the one thats doing the cheatin' but you are the one who has to suffer and change for my liking. Something doesnt add up.

She's not talking to 'boys'. She has two friends who are male that I approve of. She's respected that boundary. She's not meeting up with her friends who are boys.

- She says, "I know you are a good man. I just don't know if you're the right man for me."

She said that while the EA was still going on in the beginning after bomb day, if that makes sense. Hasn't said that since.

[john28]

The real issue is why won't you enforce the boundary of transparency? Waiting for the MC makes you look weak as well. Your W is playing you. Your head is in the sand.

You get it when you respond to other DBers. Lot at your sitch like you are looking into a fishbowl. What do you see?

One of her biggest issues with me is CONTROL and manipulation of her. She hates that. She spells that out in her letter to the MC. She feels in her heart that me going through her "stuff" is controlling, and father like. I could spin that situation or phrase it a thousand different ways to try to make her see it's not about me, it's about us, but she won't see it. So, I don't control that part - I allow her to give it up on her terms, after MC.

I'm thinking in terms of a marathon, not a sprint to get what I want. If she's agreed to it after speaking to the MC, I'm OK with that.

And if I look at this like a fishbowl, I see the same as you.

[john28]

That's why I was asking about the history. If she is trully committed then she should be doing everything to gain back your trust. If she is still in CONTROL and has the POWER then it will be on her terms. That is why you GAL and create mystery so she will continue to CHASE YOU not the other way around.

Nice job keeping in control.

Hold the line. PMA

She's not trully committed. Read her letter previous to the MC. Her head isn't 100% in it. She's in limbo. Maybe after this next MC session she'll get it, but I can't make her get in the game. She is trying to get there, but she's not there.

[PMA_Baby!]

Exactly!! That is why you drop the rope and GAL until you pass out. She obviously is still interested. I suggest you come up with a co-parenting schedule for your son and the nights that you are off then disappear. Give her a taste of what life w/o you will be like. Until you check out she will keep you in LIMBO. Take back the POWER. Don't let HER or the PAST DEFINE YOU.

PMA

[Steve McQueen]

She's not talking to 'boys'. She has two friends who are male that I approve of. She's respected that boundary. She's not meeting up with her friends who are boys.

huh?

EA #1 - November 2006. Over inet/phone. OM 1000 miles away. Went on for about a month. Worst one of the 3. Escalated to her sending pics of her to OM, saying ILY to him.

EA#2 - April 2010. Met up with OM 4 times total. Talked on phone/chat daily. Never PA. She speaks as if he was a really good friend who showed her attention (he's a predator) and she never even as much touched him in any way. In her words, "A really good friend at just the wrong time."

EA#3 - April 2010. Phone/Inet only. OM lives in Canada. She was just seeking attention. Met on chatroullete.

EA#4-??? - April 2010. She mentioned that she talked to alot of people on chatroulette / chatprograms. Don't know or care how many.

[sandi2]

The fact that she has had these EA's and continues to have them should be a great concern. Don't you think that she should understand that you will not live with a woman who disrespects you like that? Don't you think she should know that you intend to be with a woman who will have a healthy sex life with you?

[Coach]

She's not talking to 'boys'. She has two friends who are male that I approve of. She's respected that boundary. She's not meeting up with her friends who are boys.

huh?

EA #1 - November 2006. Over inet/phone. OM 1000 miles away. Went on for about a month. Worst one of the 3. Escalated to her sending pics of her to OM, saying ILY to him.

EA#2 - April 2010. Met up with OM 4 times total. Talked on phone/chat daily. Never PA. She speaks as if he was a really good friend who showed her attention (he's a predator) and she never even as much touched him in any way. In her words, "A really good friend at just the wrong time."

EA#3 - April 2010. Phone/Inet only. OM lives in Canada. She was just seeking attention. Met on chatroullete.

EA#4-??? - April 2010. She mentioned that she talked to alot of people on chatroulette / chatprograms. Don't know or care how many.

According to one informal study published in March 2010,[13] nearly half of all Chatroulette spins connected a user with someone in the USA, while the next most likely country was France with 15%.[13] On average in sessions showing a single person, 89% of these were male and 11% were female. 8% of spins showed multiple people behind the camera. 1 in 3 females appeared as such a group. That number is 1 in 12 for males. A user was more likely to encounter a webcam featuring no person at all than one featuring a sole female. 1 in 8 spins yielded a penis or other possibly objectionable content.[13] A user was twice as likely to encounter a sign requesting female nudity than to encounter actual female nudity.[13]

This sounds like heaven for Beavis and Butthead.

[john28]

The fact that she has had these EA's and continues to have them should be a great concern. Don't you think that she should understand that you will not live with a woman who disrespects you like that? Don't you think she should know that you intend to be with a woman who will have a healthy sex life with you?

Whoah whoah - she's not having EA's anymore. She's gone NC with the OM(s).

She does understand I won't live with a woman who disrespects me, I've made that clear.

And I'm fairly certain she knows I intend to be with a woman who will have a healthy sex life with me.

[PMA_Baby!]

Then why is she DISRESPECTING YOU by playing these games?

Just like a cat plays with a mouse. Is she getting off on this POWER and CONTROL? Why give her that? Why make it her choice? The ONLY situations I've seen work where the WAS comes back and SINCERELY wants to try to make a M work is when the LBS becomes the WAS. The sooner YOU let her SEE that the SOONER you MIGHT be able to save your M.

I personally dont believe she is READY to do the WORK that it will take to FULLY COMMIT. I unfortunately think she will have to lose YOU first to really GET IT.

PMA

[john28]

Then why is she DISRESPECTING YOU by playing these games?

Just like a cat plays with a mouse. Is she getting off on this POWER and CONTROL? Why give her that? Why make it her choice? The ONLY situations I've seen work where the WAS comes back and SINCERELY wants to try to make a M work is when the LBS becomes the WAS. The sooner YOU let her SEE that the SOONER you MIGHT be able to save your M.

I personally dont believe she is READY to do the WORK that it will take to FULLY COMMIT. I unfortunately think she will have to lose YOU first to really GET IT.

PMA

I agree fully. She's not getting off on this power/control stuggle, but I'm sure it's nice to be in control.

I'm waiting until after MC Wednesday to make any other changes. What I've been doing so far has been working. She's coming more to me, even if she is playing games or whatever, and I've been the rock - staying steady.

I suspect this next MC session will be the one where the MC asks her to commit to 6 months of this marriage 100%. At least, that's what she told me on the phone. She'll be in the room individually with her, and I'll admit, for a pro-marriage MC, she's pretty damn good and convincing. She doesn't take "sides" except the side to make a marriage work at all costs.

If W comes out of MC no different 2 days from now, it's time to drop the rope and GAL. That's my plan.

As far as LOSING ME, she's afraid of that already. She's going through my stuff. I've told her in the past post-bomb that I was thinking about going outside our marriage for our needs. I said this in MC. She freaked out when I had friends over when she was out of town. She's not 100% afraid to lose me because I haven't dropped the rope, but the fear is there.