I know you want to believe your H, I understand that more than you can know. I heard all the same stuff. My H told me that he need a divorce in order to feel "safe" working on things (IOW I need a divorce so I can screw OW without feeling quite as guilty as I do now and if I am ever bored enough I will give you a call). My H also acted like this was a "we" decision.
My H is perhaps one of the finest BS artists our generation has ever seen. If it wasn't so hurtful and directed at me I would almost have to be impressed with what he is capable of conjuring up.
In COURT my H made a statement that went on the oral record that said he wanted to get a legal separation, keep me HIS WIFE a secret and "see how things go" with us and if they start to go "ok then he might tell his GF. Right. Sign me up for that plan you a-hole! My attny said in his 30 years of practice he had never heard a statement like that in COURT!
It gets better though. The NIGHT before our stuff was finalized he came over here and in a rather impressive performance (that I fell for) he told me he loved me, this wasn't our grand finale, he would do ANYTHING to earn my trust and respect back and this is not how he wanted "us" to end. He said he knew it would be so much hard work but he wanted to try. This was in early Nov. You want to know when I heard from him again? On Thanksgiving night when he texted me VERY angry that I had not wished him a happy Thanksgiving and how dare I hurt his feelings like that.
You want to know when I heard from him after that? When he texted me 11 times over the course of an hour to tell me he was moving in with his mistress and he was happier than he ever was.
My H tried just about everything so this legal separation would go more "his way". He tried the pathetic route, the BS route, the "this is so hard" route and perhaps the most cruel was the "tear up CityGirl route". My H asked me to meet him at a restaurant (like a fool I did) and in the middle of a crowded restaurant he literally picked me apart from top to bottom and inside and out and told me in EVERY single way how much better the OW was than me... she is younger, prettier, smarter... you name it, he said it. It was so traumatizing to me that it really is only in recent months I have started to really work on that night in my own mind.
People don't get divorces to work on their R. They get divorces so their finances are no longer an issue, so they can feel like they are the "good guy" and so they can bed whomever strikes their fancy without *feeling* like a cheat.
It's time to hand all of this over to your attny. Actions speak much louder than words.
