Could use some support

[M-Jo]

I don't really have too many ways to find out about her personal life right now. Her affair started almost a year ago and lasted about a month. After it was "over" I caught her communicating with OM 3 or 4 times and it caused some big fights. These conversations I saw were never more than friendly, but I wasn't OK with that.

In the first month after she left I did some spying, and never saw her car at OM's or OM's car at hers. I stopped that quickly since I didn't really like "spying".
One time when she came by to pick up some things I snuck a look at her phone and saw she still talks to him. Again this conversation was nothing more than friendly, she even told him she was considering an out of state job offer. She admits to me that they still speak, but says it is only as friends. I know I can't expect the truth from her right now.

Any advice on intel gathering? I don't want to feel like a stalker.

I don't know if I would say she isn't communicating. We spent a lot of time talking about R after she left, since I had so many questions because it all happened so fast. After I had some answers I stopped talking about R. She always responded to me, but she never initiates conversation.