Should I Tell Her to Move On???

[beingreal]

Hi gr8,

I asked about the alt because sometimes it's easier to communicate there. Most of us have private accounts based on our screen names here, then you just become a fan of DB. I was just wondering.

I also think you did the right thing in canceling the meeting. If she is in that much confusion right now, I don't think anything productive could come out of a face to face.

As far as knowing all about the A & who the OMen were...

Is it really going to matter?

Is *who* she slept with going to impact whether or not you can forgive her & work on your M? Would you be more willing to get over an encounter with a skinny average looking dude than you would some good looking CEO?

I don't think it would because I don't think it matters to you. Your pain & feelings of betrayal aren't based on the OM, they are based on your W's actions. Knowing all the details won't help you if you decide to work on your M, but they might hinder your ability to work on it if you get caught up in those things you can't change. And then they just become future roadblocks that you are going to have to get through anyway, regardless if you get back together or go your separate ways.

So ask yourself if you really want to know? The logistics of her being in such a close work space with the OM is one thing... wanting to know details is another. Only you can answer that.



I know you were over on my thread in MLC, but have you read through any of the other ones there? Just from reading & from what I know about your sitch I have to wonder if your W is in MLC as opposed to being just a WAW. I know there are some who don't believe in MLC, and that's fine. There are a few differences in how you handle a WAW and an MLCer, though.

Almost all of us show up in MLC wanting to save the M, a lot of us end up not wanting that--like me. I'm not standing anymore... for a variety of reasons. The main difference is the work you do on yourself, you come to realize that you can't change the outcome, you can't change her mind, and tactics aren't going to work. What does work is how you get through this, and if it makes you a better person when this is done--regardless of outcome.

I don't agree with every facet of the MLC boards-- I think that your dating is not a bad thing, especially if it's been this long & you are doing it for the right reasons. I also don't think that you have to stand & wait for your M in order to show the other person that you love them. It's all in how you put the techniques into play. I've done so much work on myself in the past few months, I'm in a much better place than I was.

I hold absolutely no grudges or animosity towards my H. My life is already better & I'm grateful for the time we were together. I want nothing but good things for him, whichever path he chooses.

I couldn't have said that four months ago.


Anyway, just some thoughts, take them for what they are.

Hope you are having a good day!

btw--I saw you ramping up for your 40th, me too. What day? I just think that it's bizarre our sons were born on the same day.