Sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them to, didthehurt. I know the feeling. The script your wife is following sounds so familiar to me.
It's good that you apologized for what you did in the conversation -- try to be sure that when you say you are sorry you are not just saying I am sorry for what I did, but rather I am sorry I HURT YOU by what I did.
Few other thoughts from my end --
1) As much as you get angry or frustrated, you HAVE to control yourself and your emotions. Avoid being angry at her in what you say or in your words. You HAVE to stay cool, calm and lovingly detached.
2) Try to validate what she is saying more and argue against/find solutions to what she is saying less. When she says "I don't think there is anything you can do and I don't want to be punished for what you did 3 years ago." instead of listing things you could do or things she could do or saying you are not punishing her, try saying that you understand that she feels that way and it must be hard for her to feel like that. In other words, don't try to argue against her feelings or fix her feelings or find solutions to her feelings, VALIDATE them to reduce the sense of you being against her and increase the chance of emotional reconnection that you are trying to see things through her eyes.
3) Instead of saying something like if YOU don't want to be in the family, frame it as "I"'s (You's put other people on the defensive). Better would be something like I am prepared to work on our relationship and marriage, and I am sorry but I will not leave our home." It's her choice to leave or not, but your choice of staying you are stating clearly to her.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
