Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

John, have you done something in the past that may have digusted her sexually towards you? Such as, taken her when she was not completely responsive, manipulated her sexually or made her do things that she may have felt you were acting out a perverse fantasy rather than loving her, or possibly been caught or known to take care of yourself?

No. No dirty secrets or weird stuff. We have a pretty open sexual relationship with each other. But, she expressed to me right after bomb day that throughout our M she felt pressured often to have sex. She's LD. I'm HD. As far as initiating sex went, I initiated about 90% of the time, which I think is typical of the HD partner. Often when I would initiate, the response would be, "Not right now, later tonight" or "Tomorrow, I don't feel like it today.".

As a matter of fact, and maybe I'm revealing too much here, for xmas this past year SHE GAVE ME a 30-day card... which meant sex for 30 days straight everyday. Kind of a challenge! We went all of January, then some of Feb up until our Anniversary in Feb.

So, she she has expressed that she felt pressured in the past to perform, and maybe she resents that for me.

Discuss more about this gay friend of hers, is he a confidant of hers? someone she is relating to instead of you. are they very close, or just someone she knows and you know. would she act around him like she is doing with you with no concern?

Gay friend isn't that close. She doesn't confide in him. As a matter of fact, she really doesn't have many close friends at all. Her best girlfriend she has confided in (which happens to be the W of my best friend) doesn't look at the situation the same way my W looks at it... her best girlfriend has been through similar things with her H, is in her 30's and older and wiser, and tells my W that she needs to work on this because M's have their ups/downs and I'm a good man. So, she doesn't get support from her on that.

She's talked to her mother, but her mother won't give her input she says, and that is frustrating to W. Her mother is not willing to take sides, nor offer her advice on what to do because she doesn't want to be remembered as taking sides in this situation. Pretty smart lady. So, no confidant there.

not to belittle you in the least, sir, but more so to help you understand your reality, it reads to me that rather then "just slowly becoming more comfortable with each other again" she is treating you like a gay boyfriend, in that, she can act as open as she wants, panty shows, waxing, flirty, knowing that you will not be sexual with her.

That's the thing, she DOESN'T know I won't be sexual with her. When she does these things (panty show, wax) I touch her in way to let her know that I'm attracted to her sexually, like touching her thigh, holding her hips, etc.... and she is responsive to that (not pulling away or telling me to stop). It's pretty heavy flirting throughout these situations and building sexual tension. I'm good with that because it lets her know I'm interested, but I'm not going to pressure her into sex which she has complained about in the past.

you seem nonchalant about her male friends, which I guess could be argued either way, but in the past with her supposed mental affairs did you brush it off as "it is what it is" or did you make it known that this behavior is not OK with me?

does she have (a lot of) female friends she hangs out with and shops with and confides in?

In the past, I didn't know about the people in these A's at all. I never knew they existed. During that period, I knew these two guys she talks to on occassion existed. They're not a threat - I don't know how to explain it. She doesn't confide in them.

Basically when it comes down to it, she has 3 friends, total. Gay guy, straight guy w/ GF, and best girlfriend. That's it.