I want to be part of the group...

[newmama]

You DO have a phone, right? You have to have a phone, Jstar! To stay in touch for emergencies related to your kids!
So what is the most you can afford for babysitting?

Will your MIL watch them?

I know you are broke, but where there are skanks, there are drug users (men) and those men could harm your babies in some way.
So I don't think you should even ask your H to do it. Besides, he will be unreliable and you will be running around all the time trying to find someone else.

[Jstar]

nope no phone, no car, i suck internet from a neighbor. i can afford $400/mnth just paying for my mortgage utilities barely get food.

i'm trying to change some things around but it takes time and it still won't be enough to take both kdis to daycare.

h lives with mil, she will allow anyone in her home, that's her meal ticket.

i put out expectations for him to follow, like get healthcare, get insurance on his truck to transport kids, but he rather go out dancing clubbing drinking trips to vegas adn throw $160 amonth at me and claim he is broke.

priorities. i had to ask him to watch the kids, he declined, my bil called him and told him 4 times to watch them that the kids needed him so i could go to work, all h said to bil was i don't want to see jstar.

so here it is the 4th day of school i could not go t work and tuesday will be approaching soon.

i mean ive even thought ok if i resign take my retirement out pay to get some necessary things fixed on house like holes in walls and doors due to h, watch kids in my home...till i can afford to go back to work with them ins chool, i cuold get a car.

i'm screwed every which way i go. i have scoured asked everyone at my work- a public school, teh lunch ladies, parent liason. i have one girl single mom of 3 yr old who answered my ad for live in nanny. i don't know her and don't even know if it would work out.

h keeps claiming that he loves these kids. am i not seeing something here? you gotta be kidding me.?

[newmama]

Jstar, I am so scared for you! YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR JOB! If you lose your job, think of all the ways you will be screwed more like with health insurance, too, right? I am a teacher and we get health insurance in my state from my job.


Can you get a short term loan from your bank to pay for a sitter for this month?

[Jstar]

i have a neighbor that i can go to if i needed to use her phone. i can only cover me since it's at no cost if i covered my two lil ones it would be about 800a month.

it's the 4th day of school and no jstar, the staff knows what i'm struggling with, no a/c on 1 side of house, we sleep in living room, no cable no converter box, we just watch movies.

if my parents were alive they would have skinned him and made his body never locatable.

i've sold bunch of stuff on craigslist, made my aug mortage, late on some medical bills from kidos dr appts

i'm fairly positive in light of this whole situation

h just sent a msg, i don't want u to lose ur job blah blah blah, i will pick up kids, but doesn't say how they are gettinghome who is watching, all kinds of stuff.

[Jstar]

so i went t neighbors house to use phone. i asked my work how long till i'm out of being a teacher, if i don't show tommorrow i have to resign or put in a leave of abscence and have soem disciplinary action taken...

so i called from my neighbors, i was so angry, i could not control it. i had to hang up, he called back on her phone and she talked to him. funny how if it comes from someone else it carries so much more weight.

if he doesnt show in am she is going to watch kids till i can get some1 else.

i'm sorry i maybe stupid but i am not ready to give up.

i pulled the db books out again.

[pinhead]

Jstar,

I'm praying for you. Your sitch makes mine look like a piece of cake, but I know that you'll find the resources you need to make it through.

Do you have any paid leave from the school? Do you have a church that can help provide some assistance?

[Jstar]

nope nope nope. good to know i can inspire.

[Jstar]

well h picked me up and the kids to take me to work, we argued, argued ont eh phone and picked me up with the kids to dump us off. i wanted to us his phone, i get why? who you calling? if you're using my phone i should know, i say u can listen to convo, your rate next to me.

finally gives em his phone and it was on his contacts, i saylook at all ur whores numbers, he says see that's y i don't want u on my phone u go thru [censored].

i am so angry when i'm around him so hurt and upset, he says i won't bring my kids around any one i date, i ask are you dating, not yet, i should he says, i say go ahead, i say you have been cheating whether we are seperated or not, he says cheating is intercourse,i say not.
i printed him 18 pages of what divorce does to kids, he seems to think that if we got along it wont harm the kdis any way shape or form.

i can not do this again. i did this with my first daughter, took me years to get over years.

[Jstar]

Well wed, thur, and frid h picked up me and kids to drop me at work so he and mil can watch kids while i work. he's been somewhat on time. first day was HORRIBLE, i threw a stack of articles at him.

thur was alittle less stressful, not so upset. so thur night i registerd on a dating service and decided to just not say but very few words to him as we are in same truck. i sit in back with kids. he really doesn't say anything.

d3 locked him in to going into walmart so i could deposit my check, she wanted mom and dads hand. the same walmart we go to often and eat mcdonlads at so she of course wanted to eat there not take it home, h was like ok time to drop you off

i just said, you can leave us and go on ur way we will take the bus home the rest of the way our d wants to eat here, so he just sat down.

i had to set a boundary, it infuriates me when he talks/texts on his phone. so i said out of respect for me do not talk/text in my presense, he did it a few times and i just kept saying you can leave, if you can't not talk ont eh phone or text, then leave, i find it disrespectful, etc etc.

he comes in the morning tired especially if he's worked tomignight or out, wow now he's having to deal with the real world of getting 2 kids ready, transporting them here and there work and still take care of them in teh same day, everyone atmy work is like aw now he knows what it's like to be a parent.

he's gonna sick and tired of picking us up at 6-630 am rearranging his scheudle i'm loving it.

another boundary i set was him not being able to just pop up. he has d3's big battery cars, she wants it home with us, he says to her i'll just drop it off sat, i say probably not a good idea, he says i wasn't going to do it anyways, so i say then don't make promises to d3 that you never plan on keeping, then he says he'd do it sunday, again i say it's not good for you to just drop by. kind of leading to the poing of well u never know if we will be alone.

i talk to d3 while we are driving i know he's listening, he won't see we gal so i say maybe we should go swimming, go to this park etc.
i changed my status on fb and made it so EVERYONE can see, in open marriage.

i also said since i've made 3 of his truck payments stolemy credit card, the only right thing to do is to provide somemoney for a car and not some junker that will leave me and kids stranded. i gave him a deadline, his consequence is if he doesn't provide the money he's gonna have to pick us up everyday and drop us off every night, he will get really tired of it soon.

I've thought a lot about my 1st divorce, even as much as bad as it was, and took that long, teh feelings of love just don't die like that. he's gonna see us doing things as family miss sons 1/2 bday and d3 birthday.

i'm going to try to update my wardrobe some, get some high lights next week or two from coworker. i did get compliments of how nice i looked today from coworkers, made me feel better.

wed he talked about divorce, or i did i don't remember who, i said if you want a fast none drawn out divorce, then we would have to agree on everything file it with the court, they look over it for child support custody and stuff like that and will sign off on it faster then if we disagree. he's like yeah lets do that. so i put the ball in his court to come up with a time to write everything up.

[Jstar]

oh yes and me and kids jog well i jog they rid in the jogger
stroller 2-4 times a week.