Having a rough time again today. How is it that I can feel so comfortable one minute and so lost the next. I was fine until she "mentioned" that she "had something to do tonight" but did not say with whom or what it was. Drove me crazy all day, then I had to watch her get ready and leave. Dressed conservativly and wearing rings, but I have a feeling she took a change of cloths out to her car before she left. I actually felt a lot better once she was gone. Took D8 out for a while and got home to an empty house.. took her to bed and went to bed myself only to be awoken by W coming home. Now I can't sleep.
I want to let go completely but I can't seem to find the last part of me that is holding on. She acts like the world is a great and wonderful place and she'll be oh so much better off once she is rid of me. She is now "buying" the kids. Things we discussed that they did not need or should buy themselves she is now buying them. Since I only have the little cash that I put away I can't spend much on them if it is going to last me till I get a job.
Both kids were crying today becasue they don't want to sell the house. S talked to his mom and he told me all she said was "it will be better this way, you'll see".
Theres just too much going on in my head to sort it all out. In the list, rule 33 says not to give up, and I've only been doing this a month, does it really get easier or is there somethine that has to happen that I can't see yet? I still Love her, and want an R and M with her, not the one we had, but something new but just don't see any movement on her part.
It does get easier, but it will take time. Some of it will still be hard, and it will take time for the wounds to heal. You will have to take it each day at a time, and even then, it will be hard.
You have to do as I am learning to do is face each problem one day at a time. Think of what you are feeling is natural and how you will cope with the feelings ahead of time. I have been somewhat successful.
You cannot force "letting go." It is a process that will happen in steps and when you are ready.
I feel the same way about the money situation as you do since I don't have any either. I hope the hearing will help with that. In the meantime, I do things with the kids that do require money, only my time. I take them to the park, Doggie park, Wilderness park, walks, or whatever I can think of to get me and them out of the house. Bring a lunch with you and have a picnic. It is my way to GAL I guess. I give them little things from my childhood too. Or I make things with them such as a boat, or paper airplanes.
Watch TV or spend time with the kids is good too. They will appreciate it. If you don't mind do dress up with D or put on a play or color. Any activities are great to do with the kids.
Just keep busy with them when you have the time.
I agree with not giving up!
You will not see what is happening and that you become more detached gradually everyday.
If you want the M still, it could be following the advice here about DBing or just finding happiness for yourself if it does not work out.
Do let yourself have time to move on with your life with or without her.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
question - once the D process starts, and now that W wants to sell house (I would love to keep it but not realistic) so I do agree, but I am thinking on one hand it would be best todrag my feet in getting it ready, on the other it may be best to get it over fast. One thing that drives the delay is my lack of a job, don't really know what I am going to do if it sells and I either have not found something or have not been on the job long.
ok, so I've not let go as well as I felt I had. Still ready to let go, just have to wait for it to happen,
on another note, I sort of backed into an R talk by accident today. W had been pissy all morning with me and the kids. She went out last night (no idea where or whom with - didn't ask) anyway I had enough and when I cought her upstairs later asked her why she had to be that way with the kids. Her response threw me but I think I recovered ok.
She said that I seem to be happy, like nothing is even wrong. (I have been in a really good frame of mind today, don't know why) I said, no actually everything is wrong, in fact I'm not sure how it could be more wrong, but I have had to accept that you want D and will not be changing your mind so I have to move on.
She started crying. Told her that I was changing for me, I did not want to repeat what I've done to her in my next R, be it with her or some one else. And if she decided on a second chance she will know that it will not be a repeat of what has happened.
She was actually crying very hard then, said she was sorry and that she has noticed how much I've changed.
I told her I was sorry for what I had done and am sorry she feels the way she does. I then went downstairs. She was much nicer after that.
We moved some stuff out of the house and she was very talkative and pleasant to be around.
So, what is this, guilt or is she starting to see whats happening, or is it just more mind games?
actually I thought about this more and what she said was "your acting like nothing is wrong, like we are still married, and we're not"
So am I lost. I am not pursuing her in the sense that I do not call, email, or text. Do not ask her what she is doing or where she is going. Try to only have conversations concerning kids and the D process. I am "friendly" in that I still say goodmorning, goodnight, have a good day at work drive safe.. but we are still in the same house, trying to get it ready to sell, etc so there are a lot of things to discuss. I do not follow her around, but will not avoid an area if the kids are there just because she is.
She does seem to be on extreme ups and downs right now. She ok Friday, Saturday she was upset, then went out Saturday night, and was even worse Sunday until we talked. It's like this every weekend, by Sunday she is really short and withdrawn.
I really need some ideas here as to the correct actions. Do I need to withdrawl? I hate to do that becasue that was one of her complaints that I would stop talking to her. Or am I headed in the right direction.
So, what is this, guilt or is she starting to see whats happening, or is it just more mind games?
People in affairs are confused individuals.
It is like being on a teeter-toddler.
there is a history you are giving up for what you think is the most passionate moments in your life. but love is fleeting and assets are concrete. and it feels so good but then you don't know how long it will last for. and up and down and up and down.
an idea? find out who is stealing her away from you.
I "think" it is her boss. He is the one that she called on the cell phone on the way to/from work, occasionally on the weekend, and after a late business meeting as she was walking into our house. She has since gotten her own account and I do not have access to it. She keeps her phone with her and it was locked lst time I checked a few weeks ago.
I can't prove anything other than that.
Sometimes I get the feeling she would like to try again, then she withdrawls completely.
Should I withdrawl even though she complained about it so she will start seeing that I am accepting the D (even though I still have hope obviously)
