Well, I only went back a few pages in your thread just to catch a glimpse to offer some support of direction.
I don't like seeing anyone "standing out in the rain" here on the boards.
From where I see this you are trying too hard and being inconsistent in your behaviours.
You need to focus on you. If he left you, why are you doing all the talking to get him to see 'the light" and 'eror in his ways'?
He has to figure that out himself.
You should be focused on what you want. And that's NOT him right now.
Try this on- If you were dating someone and they were doing this, would you continue? -passive agressive behaviour? -using you? -not wanting YOU but "someone to talk to"?
Why would you "miss" this?
You answered your own question, BTW
Originally Posted By: abqbelly
I shouldn't respond until and if he says he wants to change and realizes he was wrong, otherwise, I just end up being used and he gets the best of me without giving me anything.
Think about how you contributed to the state of the marriage. Work on fixing those things. You'll need those skills in your NEXT relationship-regardless of whether it's him or not. And then start behaving the way the new you is going to be. That's what you should be doing.
He has his own problems. You didn't create them for him; HE DID. And HE has to admit them and fix them. Let him do that. Don't try to do it for him. I was given great advice and one that sticks in my head is "You'll NEVER reason or explain somebody to change their minds. They have to be motivated toward something."
So be the "better abqbelly" and act that way. Make it your new skin. Hopefully, he'll see that and you can be his motivation. In either case, YOU are ready for the rest of your life.
I hope that gives you something to distract you from your confusion and helplessness. Help yourself FIRST.
