Truly a beautiful post to start this new phase of your journey.
You know I understand right where you are at as I too feel myself moving, however I don't think I am there.....not yet.
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
I know it has to start with actions and NOT fluffy words.
As Mach would say "Time to make it your skin", but exactly what are those actions that will make it a part of your skin?
This is not detachment, this is letting go. You have told me before, "she does not want you right now." The Unconditional Love you and I have identified will be put to the test when you "Let Go" out of love not because of what she did or because she is not responding.
This letting go is like saying, "I am happy for you".
Hard to imagine doing that one. At some point it will come to that, will it not???? The cage door is open and they are running free, free to chose who they want, free to do what they want, free to follow their heart's desire without fear of your disapproval.
I for one could not imagine saying to my W, "I am happy for you" if she chose a life with the OM.......I know that is probably the direction I am headed in but do not know if I will get there.
Would the Man in Full be able to say, "I am happy for you" one day????
Sorry, if it hurts.....it hurts writing it.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I could not imagine being able to say to my H, I'm happy for you. He's free and he's doing whatever he wants, but I can not say that I'm happy for him knowing the pain he is in and the pain he has caused by running, especially to our children.
The best I'll ever be able to do is wish him well, and I'm still working on that.
Sorry guys, not there yet. I'll always love my H, but the respect is pretty much gone. And with that said, how can I ever say I'm happy for you, when I know the trail of sadness, pain, tears and destruction he has left in his wake?
IMHO, it would be like telling a serial killer "I'm happy for you" right before he stabs me in the back.
Punkin, I'm not there yet, either. If my H told me he was happy right now, I would probably look at him quizzically and say nothing, but I would think how sad it was that his happiness had to come at such cost to those who loved him best.
Maybe that will change sometime in the future. I don't know.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
You guys are forgetting that the masks that they wear only make you think that they are happy. Look beneath the surface.
Excellent point.
Quote:
How can you be unhappy for someone else’s happiness if you love them? Truly love them…
It would be one thing if this was a genuine look within yourself and find happiness. MLC'ers tend to look toward others and material possesions in an immature attempt to find theirs. In all honesty, I don't think I can be happy for someone with such an emotionally skewed view.
I feel sorry for them, not happy.... and I do not feel that can be used as some sort of measure to guage the love I had for my ex. I'm having a hard time following that one.
Now, I'll see if I can explain this to you w/o messing up.
To put emoticons on your posts, go to bottom of your window, click on the box that says, Switch to Full Reply Screen. That will bring up a screen with the bar on top of it. You will see the very first icon on the left is a 'smiley face' Click on that and it will bring up all the different emoticons.
Pick the one you want and it will go to the space where your cursor last was. It will appear on your post as if you typed it in. To check how they look go to the Preview Post box and it will show you the picture of it.
Once in a great while the picture won't show up in the preview post. If that happens, take your cursor and push or pull emoticon one way or the other and the pic will show.
Now, I'll see if I can explain this to you w/o messing up.
To put emoticons on your posts, go to bottom of your window, click on the box that says, Switch to Full Reply Screen. That will bring up a screen with the bar on top of it. You will see the very first icon on the left is a 'smiley face' Click on that and it will bring up all the different emoticons.
Pick the one you want and it will go to the space where your cursor last was. It will appear on your post as if you typed it in. To check how they look go to the Preview Post box and it will show you the picture of it.
Once in a great while the picture won't show up in the preview post. If that happens, take your cursor and push or pull emoticon one way or the other and the pic will show.
Have a great day!
SA I an proud of you
Of course the other way is to type :whstle: spelled wrong on purpose without the i
Recent observations for you to ponder on and decide if "I am happy for you!" is the better path;
Divorce One-Separated from wife three months ago, let hate consume him, met new girl two months ago...talking with new GF Friday night.."He is such an a@@hole....just filled with anger"
Divorce two-Wife left one month ago on drug and whoring binge...Husband was open around children with his anger. The children now say "We want mommy dead", "She is just a drug whore", and "I don't want to ever see her again".
Divorce three-A few years ago...talking with current wife.." He is still filled with anger at his ex-wife. When I ask him to do stuff around the house, he asks "If I don't will you leave me like my ex-wife?" and his children say the main reason mom left him was because he didn't do anything at home!"
All three are cases of men who could not give up the past...could not give up the pain....and will be continually cursed to relive the past until they face their responsibilities in what had transpired.
Can you be happy for some one if their actions hurt you? Of course.....I point out the obvious, more than likely you are not the cause of these actions and it is personal. People make choices...if you truly love someone you respect those choices. That doesn't mean you like the choices, just that you respect them.
Does it take time and reflection to get here...you bet. The question for you all is are you going to relive the past or move on in a healthy manner?
Be the bigger person...rise above the simple feelings....and then the statement "I am happy for you" becomes very easy.
TG-I am glad to see that you are getting there....The man you are becoming is much more impressive than the shell we first met in newcomers those many months ago
