WH confessed his affair as soon as he followed me & arrived in my country. He was honest straight away about what had happened in the 3 months we were separated. He said they had 'renounced' their relationship because of the guilt & because he wanted to tell me & be sure of what he wanted to do. 4 weeks later, he 'made up his mind' that we were finished. He wanted space, I persued, he left. Then he hung around for the baby to be born.
Guilt? Yes. He says he feels very bad for what he has done, having a baby with me when he has been unhappy for years, and he would have left me anyway one day. The A has 'nothing to do' with our marital problems, he says.
When I tell him, how can you be so sure, which came first; the marital problems or the affair, he says he has had doubts about us for years.
I DO beleive he had doubts..I see it now with hindsight that his growing irritability, negativity and withdrawing from me were part of a built up resentment; I was not meeting his emotional needs.
I own those parts.
He feels guilty for not telling me years ago that he was unhappy. He says he should have. But now it's too late; there's no point raking over the past. What's done is done. He doesn't love me anymore.
When the pressure kicks in with the OW, he will not run back to me. I am 17,000kms away, an expensive airfare (he is unemployed - he tried to get work here, it failed) and here is not "home". Europe is his home.
I think that's why there is no hope.
I think he disconnected from me so brutally (which is not the case for all the other pregnant women on this forum), because he knew early on that he would not be living in the same country in the long term, so better deal with the separation from his offspring the sooner the better.
I agree I need to be strong no matter what. I am about to be 100% alone parenting our baby.
