Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

I have a shocking update. This is what I wrote to my friends. I know some of what I wrote went against DB'ing advice, I asked him too many questions, etc. But from this point I am asking how to approach the situation with DB'ing tactics. I know I read the book and it's in post after post but I am so confused I am begging for someone to spell it out step by step for me. What next?

He sent a text saying 'driving home. sorry. you were right. problem was with me'.

So i called and asked and he said there is nothing in Philly for him anymore. It was a shock to move but he wants to try to make things work. I know he isn't sure if they will work, but I asked if he was as committed to working as hard as he has on his job to working on the marriage and he said yes.

I don't trust him, at least not with her, but I can only trust that him saying he wants to make things work is the truth. We will have to talk about boundaries, transparency, sharing passwords, having no contact at a later date - later this week maybe - once he starts to settle in more. I know we have big discussions ahead. He did tell me he stayed with her - they went to a movie (I saw the debit transaction) and had dinner. He said he stayed upstairs (she sleeps on her couch). He told me nothing physical happened and I guess I believe him. I don't believe they will have no contact though in the future. She needs to be removed from his life, at least for a while. I asked him if he was willing to not contact her for let's say 3 months to start and we could reevaluate and he said yes. But I am not pushing further right now. I need to continue to work on myself and I am joining that Y. I plan to do the kids night every 1st and 3rd Friday night and maybe one night could be our date night and the other could be our independent time to ourselves - or with friends.

Either way I am fully committed. I asked him during the drive to think about how we got here, what he did 'wrong', what I have done wrong, what he feels must change, and what he needs in order to feel fulfilled in a marriage. I said both our needs must be met for it to work. And changing the house and going to counseling was cheaper than a divorce.

So we shall see. It's the most promising thing I have gotten out of him in 1.5 months.

I am nervous about going to hilton head next month and if they will have contact, but we'll cross that bridge later.

I appreciate the support. This is by far the most difficult stage that I have ever faced in my lifetime.