My main concern is, my approach needs to be different wether there is an affair or not. In all reality, if we do not end up together, I would like to have him as a friend, eventually. I'm afraid that if I do things like this, though, that opportunity will be lost.
Your hesitancy to do what you need to do is something he is going to take egregious advantage of... And it doesn't help you in the slightest...
Infidelity is an addiction.. Being NICE to an ADDICT so you can keep your friendship long term is just a diplomatic way to describe "enabling" him...
If your H was drinking I would tell you to lock the liquor cabinet and toss away the key. He will rage and throw tantrums and thrash and cry... But he will get over it. Ask anyone on this forum who busted the affair terrorizing their home and they will tell you going soft on your spouse because you are worried about terminating the friendship will set you BACK and quite possibly allow the affair to thrive and your marriage to fall apart...
Going soft on addicts is an invitation for them to ABUSE you
If you are computer savvy there aer people on this forum who can help you install sw on his PC to monitor his behaviour.
My main concern is that you may get caught... If you are savvy enough and he isn't then I would suggest you do that.
This isn't to "catch him"... This is to keep as informed as you can be on his activities... Oftentimes people having affairs will act in ways that are to the detriment of their LBS.. taking money from shared accounts, lying about expenses, etc...
I reccomend collecting intel IF you have the strength to collect it... My reservation is for women in particular who are drawn instinctively to go "soft" on their cheating spouses.. they usually don't have the strength to collect intel and manage it in a healthy way...
