This should go without saying but... I will say it anyways.
Don't SHARE ANY INFO with him... Don't tell him you are looking for apartmetns, don't tell him you are gonig to expose his affair to his workplace, etc... Just stick to yourself and avoid him baiting you into a fight...
That would be correct until yesterday. He had our youngest all day and cleaned a lot ofthe house. Then asked me 'what I did all day because I use our kid as an excuse and he did it just fine'. All the little things that did no use to bother him now do.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
It really just does feel like he is done. When I'm nice but distant he's fine. When I ignore him he's fine. He says he's staying around to help me but there is zero chance of him being in love with me ever again and he refuses to try. He said 'it's sad it had to get here for you to see it, but it has and he's done'. What if I don't love you anymore really jus means he doesn't love me anymore? What if I'm wrong? Is that even fixable when they truly don't care?
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
So basically, just get out, start over and hope that will do it? And if not oh well? I guess that's what it is now. Getting out will make m life so much harder. It's so hard to do it knowing that the end result is the same. We will not be together. Why should I make it harder for nothing? I'm sure I sound whiny and depressed, because I am. My life will be 100x harder on my own and he's willing to stick around and help. What's the point if either way I'm left alone in the end?
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
This is a process... the FIRST thing you need to do is get OUT of there..
You are too vulnerable... he's "helping" but at the same time
a. He's subjecting you directly to the abuse of the affair b. He's softening HIS GUILT by you accepting his assistance
When you move elsewhere :
a. You will have more strength and confidence because you are no longer the direct subject of abuse b. His guilt will increase 100x because you aren't there to soften it with words or by allowing him to perform services to buy off his guilt
I'm in a really bad place. I seriously didn't think there was zero chance. He has assured me there is not. He still denies an affair. I don't have enough of my own proof to say he is. So I'm left thinking he truly is done affair or no. Spell it out for me. I cant think clearly at all.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
