Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

I think you've found your nuts...

Bad joke, but it's not too hard to find them when she's changing panties 5 times in front of me.

Now, if she could find them, that would be nice...

[Steve McQueen]

How SHOULD I have reacted in those situations? They're pretty common in the John househould as of late if I give her good space and have no R talk.

I would have pounced on my wife. Do you feel she was teasing you or trying to get a ride out of you or was it more like playing dress up with a friend?

John, the guy she went to a beer with the other, was he the gay friend, and that is why there is no threat?

[john28]

I would have pounced on my wife. Do you feel she was teasing you or trying to get a ride out of you or was it more like playing dress up with a friend?

I certainly don't think she was teasing me, or trying to get a ride out of me. I think we're just slowly becoming more comfortable with each other again, and this was another step in the right direction. I think if I would have jumped her, that would have been a step in the wrong direction... I was told here before that if I want to have sex with my W, I needed to act "as if" I didn't want sex with my W. Well, she's slowly coming around I think. But, VERY slowly...

John, the guy she went to a beer with the other, was he the gay friend, and that is why there is no threat?

No, wasn't the gay friend. But, I know the guy and his girlfriend (who was there) and he's not a threat to me, really.


And..... she's in the shower right now. All I can do not to go in there and invite myself in.

[pinhead]

Wait, I must have misunderstood. She was changing the panties in front of you? As in starkers? Showing everything?

Wow, you have stones of steel. I might have survived one glimpse, but five panties? All the contortions? No chance I could resist. I wouldn't even care if it ruined a month's worth of DBing.

It's one thing to be modeling panties to you. But full exposure is a different signal in my book. She was definitely testing you, but short of her taking you "in hand," I doubt you'll get a much clearer signal.

[FaithnAK]

Wow, you have stones of steel. I might have survived one glimpse, but five panties? All the contortions? No chance I could resist. I wouldn't even care if it ruined a month's worth of DBing.

LMAO!

[john28]

Oh fun fun what an evening this has been. Wish I could have posted this earlier.

After wife went into shower she came out stark naked and put some clothes on in front of me - I was in bed reading. Again - controlled myself. She then started to get the wax to do her legs and stuff and asked if I could go get her some more. I told her I'd be happy to and ran out to get it with a few other things.

Then, after we ate dinner we let S4 watch a movie and we were playing cards. I was tired halfway through and suggested we take a break. She asked if would help her wax her bikini line. Oh, My, God. I thought to myself. Ok, I can do this.

Well, as we're walking in the house to go wax she asked where should we do it (since S4 is in living room) and I suggested our room. She said OK, but on the way there she said, "Just so you know we're not having sex." I said, "Ok... alright...I wasn't even trying to have sex with you, but thanks for rejecting me."

Well, I waxes her. God I could barely keep it together. Finished, then I was cleaning up the kitchen when I realized something. I was pretty pissed off. I was mad as all hell that she REJECTED me even when I wasn't trying to pursue her for sex. That really tweaked a nerve in me because I've come to see in the past few months that she would routinely reject me for sex, and I would be sad/upset/whatever. I vowed not to be that little boy againn who cried of lack of sex. I would now be a man about this. If I wanted sex, I was going to have it if she was willing. If not, I'd be just fine.

Well, I got to thinking more and more about it, and I got pretty heated in my head. I then put on my shoes and walked up to her and said,

M: "I am leaving. I will be back later."
w: "Huh, why?"
M: "Because I'm about to say or do something really stupid. I'm really pissed off right now."
W: "Why?"
M: "Because I wasn't even trying to have sex with you. I was flirty with you all day, but I wasn't trying to have sex with you. I've shut that part of me down for now in the attempt to save our marriage. I'm not like you. No one has touched me for 3 months. I just can't f*cking be around you right now."
w: "Well take your time. Go have a beer somewhere. You should really take your time."
M: "What's that supposed to mean?"
w: "You're pretty scary right now. You should stay gone for a while."
M: "I won't be told what to do."


And I left.
Went and banged some balls around the driving range. Probably should have banged my own to get this hate out of my head.

She was scared because I never stand up for myself like this. I never storm out on her... never. I'm always the one trying to apologize, make stuff right, things like that. But this time I just had enough and left.

Came home, she asked if I was ok. I told her that I was angry at her because in the past I had allowed myself to be controlled by her sexually, and when I didn't seem fulfilled, I acted like a little boy about it. I told her that I'm not that stupid little boy anymore, and when she rejected me, it reminded me of him and the control she had over me - and that I wouldn't be made to feel like that again. I told her I have a right to flirt with her and not pursue sex. That was what I was doing, and she attempted to belittle me.

She said she agreed, and wouldn't do that again.

[FaithnAK]

WOW!

Ok, she's pulling a "Wiggle" it in your face routine. It's a power play.

It's a test. Everything is a FREAKING Test! I hate to say it, but you failed. You should of held your composure...tbh you shouldn't have even offered to get the wax or help.

You need Robx right now. His post had something about painting his W's toenails and other sexual stuff in it and Sandi2 was pretty much on the money about it being a test. You need an expert now on how to proceed. I'm nowhere near this experience yet. Hate to say it, but sex is my weakness too. I just don't want you or anyone settling for "scraps".

If it's normal behavior on how you acted when you were controlled sexually to throw a tantrum, she hooked you easily. Be cautious from here on.

Not being a jerk, but WOW! It's amazing how our Wives will test us.

[FaithnAK]

Well, as we're walking in the house to go wax she asked where should we do it (since S4 is in living room) and I suggested our room. She said OK, but on the way there she said, "Just so you know we're not having sex." I said, "Ok... alright...I wasn't even trying to have sex with you, but thanks for rejecting me."

This is the other part why you weren't going to have sex...

So your reaction was a double no-no. Now she's going to test your resolve even more.

[Steve McQueen]

John, have you done something in the past that may have digusted her sexually towards you? Such as, taken her when she was not completely responsive, manipulated her sexually or made her do things that she may have felt you were acting out a perverse fantasy rather than loving her, or possibly been caught or known to take care of yourself?

Discuss more about this gay friend of hers, is he a confidant of hers? someone she is relating to instead of you. are they very close, or just someone she knows and you know. would she act around him like she is doing with you with no concern?

not to belittle you in the least, sir, but more so to help you understand your reality, it reads to me that rather then "just slowly becoming more comfortable with each other again" she is treating you like a gay boyfriend, in that, she can act as open as she wants, panty shows, waxing, flirty, knowing that you will not be sexual with her.

you seem nonchalant about her male friends, which I guess could be argued either way, but in the past with her supposed mental affairs did you brush it off as "it is what it is" or did you make it known that this behavior is not OK with me?

does she have (a lot of) female friends she hangs out with and shops with and confides in?

[john28]

John, have you done something in the past that may have digusted her sexually towards you? Such as, taken her when she was not completely responsive, manipulated her sexually or made her do things that she may have felt you were acting out a perverse fantasy rather than loving her, or possibly been caught or known to take care of yourself?

No. No dirty secrets or weird stuff. We have a pretty open sexual relationship with each other. But, she expressed to me right after bomb day that throughout our M she felt pressured often to have sex. She's LD. I'm HD. As far as initiating sex went, I initiated about 90% of the time, which I think is typical of the HD partner. Often when I would initiate, the response would be, "Not right now, later tonight" or "Tomorrow, I don't feel like it today.".

As a matter of fact, and maybe I'm revealing too much here, for xmas this past year SHE GAVE ME a 30-day card... which meant sex for 30 days straight everyday. Kind of a challenge! We went all of January, then some of Feb up until our Anniversary in Feb.

So, she she has expressed that she felt pressured in the past to perform, and maybe she resents that for me.

Discuss more about this gay friend of hers, is he a confidant of hers? someone she is relating to instead of you. are they very close, or just someone she knows and you know. would she act around him like she is doing with you with no concern?

Gay friend isn't that close. She doesn't confide in him. As a matter of fact, she really doesn't have many close friends at all. Her best girlfriend she has confided in (which happens to be the W of my best friend) doesn't look at the situation the same way my W looks at it... her best girlfriend has been through similar things with her H, is in her 30's and older and wiser, and tells my W that she needs to work on this because M's have their ups/downs and I'm a good man. So, she doesn't get support from her on that.

She's talked to her mother, but her mother won't give her input she says, and that is frustrating to W. Her mother is not willing to take sides, nor offer her advice on what to do because she doesn't want to be remembered as taking sides in this situation. Pretty smart lady. So, no confidant there.

not to belittle you in the least, sir, but more so to help you understand your reality, it reads to me that rather then "just slowly becoming more comfortable with each other again" she is treating you like a gay boyfriend, in that, she can act as open as she wants, panty shows, waxing, flirty, knowing that you will not be sexual with her.

That's the thing, she DOESN'T know I won't be sexual with her. When she does these things (panty show, wax) I touch her in way to let her know that I'm attracted to her sexually, like touching her thigh, holding her hips, etc.... and she is responsive to that (not pulling away or telling me to stop). It's pretty heavy flirting throughout these situations and building sexual tension. I'm good with that because it lets her know I'm interested, but I'm not going to pressure her into sex which she has complained about in the past.

you seem nonchalant about her male friends, which I guess could be argued either way, but in the past with her supposed mental affairs did you brush it off as "it is what it is" or did you make it known that this behavior is not OK with me?

does she have (a lot of) female friends she hangs out with and shops with and confides in?

In the past, I didn't know about the people in these A's at all. I never knew they existed. During that period, I knew these two guys she talks to on occassion existed. They're not a threat - I don't know how to explain it. She doesn't confide in them.

Basically when it comes down to it, she has 3 friends, total. Gay guy, straight guy w/ GF, and best girlfriend. That's it.