You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[whatisis]

I am a good GALer. I just wish I had his ability to just be -- not have to feel like I have to be out there every day.

I think you're probably a man who has always had a lot of energy. In my case, I remember a co-worker, half my age, telling me "you do more than anyone I know"! The problem with that is what you just said above, you don't know how to unwind and be with yourself. At some point the energy can run out, as it did for me and you either re-tank or keep pushing. This is my problem now, I don't know how to do anything but keep pushing. This is what I did to get through the last eight years which included the last five of my marriage. If I'm at home, I'll go out ANYWHERE pretty much just to be out for a while. Hey, look at yesterday, rather than sit at home thinking about my kids being at the cottage without me, I drove 2 1/2 hours to some mini-museum...beat that CTH I've started in the past few weeks to meditate and try to slow things down. Yet, I was telling my co-worker that I've found a free meditation class on Thursday nights and he said "for a guy who's trying to slow things down, you're not doing so good!" I didn't go. So, start slowly CTH. Choose a night and say "I'm staying home tonight" and plan what you're going to do. I get antsy when I have to stay home more than one night in a row, especially when the kids aren't there. So anyway, start resting a bit and maybe note what things are going through your mind when you do it. Those thoughts you'll have to change but you have to recognize them first. Gotta go, my babbling has ended for now!

[ClingingToHope]

Much slower day today. Made it to church. A friend -- a good looking blond who is engaged again at 43 -- showed up and we sat together.

The message was all about forgiveness. The pastor even brought in a counselor from Chicago to talk about what happens when people don't forgive.

Now I know I need to forgive STBXW, but I haven't been able and I've been disappointed in myself.

The counselor said people shouldn't get frustrated, that real forgiveness takes time, perhaps even years. And as long as you realize you need to forgive someone then eventually you will. Some day your brain will catch up to your will.

That resonated with me.

The other thing he said is there really is no such thing as forgive and forget. People have remembering brains. Trying to forget something is like to trying to suppress it, deny it ever happened, and that doesn't work.

That resonated as well. I have to forgive STBXW, but I won't forget that she chose to end our marriage without ever trying to save it.

After church I decided to walk into work. It took about an hour and my feet were killing me. I put in a couple hours of work and then walked back -- and my feet are hurting again.

It's hell getting old.

Interestingly, on the bike path, I ran into the TV reporter who had the 30-year birthday party last night. She was walking with her mom, her sister (a babe) and the sister's boyfriend (sigh).

We chatted for a minute and I kept walking. It was a beautiful day.

I should be cleaning, but I'm laying down on the couch. Another friend called and wants to sub in a softball game. I'm reeealllllyyyy tired but I need a couple of at bats.

A good day so far. I'm guessing I'll get a couple of texts or emails from STBXW tonight now that she's back from her S.D. trip. I'm also guessing now that the trip is over we'll see more action on the D.

My friend at church asked about it and I just said "it's not done yet."

That was good.

[whatisis]

That resonated as well. I have to forgive STBXW, but I won't forget that she chose to end our marriage without ever trying to save it.

My wife said "why should I go to marriage counseling? It will just show that I'm to blame and I have a lot of problems, I already know that, so why should I go" How do you argue with logic like that? It sure is hard to forgive isn't it but if it was easy what would be the gain? I think God makes some things difficult because the reward you reap from doing it is so much greater than if it was easy.
Btw, you call this a slower day! OK, I guess it's all relative, right?

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. Church. Two long walks. A couple hours of working. A softball game. That's slow for the summer.

I'm in Illinois. We only get a few good months of weather. In the winter, on a Sunday, I'd probably watch football.

I haven't seen BobbiJo on the boards in a while. When she gets back, hey your Cardinals got my Reds but we're back in first place. Man, a division pennant race to liven up August and September. That'll be good.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Not much to add or say here. Just reading along CTH and watching how you're improving yourself.

[ClingingToHope]

It's days like today that tend to get me in trouble. I played a softball game in the morning, got an hour in at work, then played 18 holes of golf with a college friend, got an hour in at work, then another softball game, now I'm back at work.

Love the flexibility of my job.

Sent STBXW a text asking where the girls will be on Wednesday so I can pick them up.

A week from today they'll be going to sleep at my place for their first day of school.

I'm excited. We'll be back to the schedule where I see them off the bus from 2:30 until about 4:15 p.m. daily.

This year, instead of me having to then drop them off at "the house," I'm having the after school lady pick them up from me and take them over there. It's all of two blocks.

That way I won't have to see "the house" either.

Life isn't exactly what I want, but it's getting better.

[whatisis]

Darn it, I thought I could take you today with my trip to the zoo in the morning, an afternoon and evening visit to two different parks and a trip to the Chiropractor but now I bow to your greatness. CTH, the Master of Busyiness!

[ClingingToHope]

Well, I've put myself in a bit of a hole by not being around much today. Tomorrow I'm starting my divorce rebuilders class round three. I don't think I need the teaching part, but I like the after-class hour-long discussion.

I applied to be a table leader this time around (this is my third time), but the divorce has to be "official" so they asked me to be a greeter for week one.

[soleil]

CTH, the forgiveness thing is spot on (about how you cannot make yourself forget things).

I think one day, when you least expect it, you'll look up and not be as affected and the pain will be less felt. Perhaps at that point the forgiveness starts.

[ImprovedRomeo]

What's a greeter do at a divorce group? "Hi I'm CTH and I'm the greeter. Come on it and let me show you around...if you need anything you just ask me...the greeter"