I go tomorrow at 9. It is a woman lawyer--not crazy about em, but she is supposed to be good.

(My dad was a L--and my mother used a woman for her divorce and she was terrible--I'm trying to foget all that...)

I think he filed because he thinks there is no hope left.

He sees me relatively peaceful about the entire thing and knows that I don't want the old R, and ...the challenge D4L for you AND me...how to get them to see that there could be a NEW R??

You mentioned on your thread D4L about how to get your H to put on his "big boy pants". That is THE THING! You need something else at this point too--do you have enough wisdom and knowledge about what went wrong that you can help him grow?

I think that in your case--yes. There has never been neglect or abuse of any kind in your R. I have had both in mine and 2 counselors told me my H doesn't even see me as human.

So the "light" or "hope" that they see in the other person dies and I tell you, they are so in tune to you...they just know. Mine just "knows" that for the most part, he has lost me. I am trying very hard not to let my "light" die, but it is extremely difficult. Last time this happened I did EVERYTHING he wanted, and eventually he treated me pretty good.

But then it got bad again. And I do know what went wrong, I think, it's just that I see another life and it looks good--I am trying to show him that other way, but...

His depression and being stuck...it's tough to get them to "see" something else.

So you go back to basics. What did you do when you were friends? Mine is FINALLY just NOW being a decent guy to me. I don't mind if it is all from his L's to be nice and help me fix this place up--doesn't matter. I will "act as if" it is all him and he is the good guy here--my hero. They love that stuff.lol.

So I am using this to talk to him about things we haven't spoken of in a long time. It's nice actually. There is a different "vibe" to our talks--very detached and I get a very different take from him right now.

It's a strange journey. I don't dislike it. It's all "interesting" to me right now. He is interesting. I am trying to know him even more than before.