tbart this is weak. Drop it. You will survive anything. This is catastrophizing and predicting the future.
I think you both need to define what 'all in' means. I have a good hunch you both have different definitions of what this means.
You act surprised she is having reservations. We already knew this. YOU posted above that YOU have reservations also. This is normal.
You both have to take a LEAP OF FAITH. You can what if it to death.
What if it doesn't work out - what if it does? What if we can't get those feelings back - what if you do?
One day my W and I were sitting in MC and she said, "What if 30 years go by and I made a mistake staying and not getting out when I could?"
The MC looked at her and said, "What if you figure out he is the man you could have spent the next 30 years with?"
The point is for every predicted scenario, we can also guess the complete opposite. It is impossible to know.
But I will tell you this - and I believe this is a fact - whatever the two of you aim at is what you will get.
My definition of all in - I will do what it takes to get this to work. I will exhaust every option I have to work this out.
If you both don't get past your individual issues - the issues each of you brought into the marriage - you will end up building the same relationship. What does that mean and how do you do it?
That's for you two to explore.
MC, Retrouville, etc... I can't answer that question for you.
Are you both taking responsibility for your issues? Can you each specifically identify them? Can you see how to get past them?
Are you both willing to do the work?
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
