You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Thanks NM. I've only worn the Tshirt for the two "I'll Eat That" videos. It's kind of an inside joke for my coworkers.

I was telling my friend last night that I feel like I'm in HS or college again. Back then you HAD to go out every weekend. There HAD to be something going on.

I was kind of a social director back then -- lots of different groups of friends so if one group wasn't doing something I'd check with another.

Once I got married there wasn't a NEED to do that anymore. I had STBXW. We socialized a lot when we were younger. Then a couple of our couple friends moved away. Then we had kids. Then STBXW didn't want to see this person or that person so we'd avoid them.

Pretty soon the only time we socialized was work functions and our date nights were just us -- and we'd sit there mostly in silence.

But just "being" was fine because we had the family.

So when I moved out it was really scary having to get back out there again. I'd really cut back my close friends to a very small group.

In a way, the financial stuff kind of decides things for me anyway. Next weekend I have my girls. The weekend after I'm working Friday night at a HS football game and then Saturday and Sunday in Chicago at a running race.

The weekend after I have my girls. The weekend after that I have another football game/running race combo and then I have my girls again. So the next kid-free, work-free weekend I have is in six weeks.

I'm like you on the marriage history as well. When we split up I'd think about the good trips we had together, the good birthdays we spent, the good times we worked together.

As time has gone on I remember how few and far between those really were. Monday I was swimming with the girls at the family campground and I remembered that nearly ALL of my positive memories of the campground are with the girls and only a couple are with STBXW. And those go way back to when we were dating or our honeymoon. Otherwise it was always awkward there -- stilted conversation, trying really to find time away from each other.

Wednesday the girls and I were swimming at an outdoor water park and I remembered STBXW rarely ever came with us -- there was one summer she was a size 2 that she did come because she looked great -- and when she did she usually spent the entire time asking when we were going to leave.

I really, really, really miss spending every day with the girls. The STBXW I miss is from the first three years of the M.