Yes, I believe MLC plays a part, although not in a stereotypical way - no red sports car and obsessive exercising, no young girls around. He was never that kind of person anyway. His colleagues and people who don't know him well inside see him as very stable, calm, reasonable, intelligent, competent, skilled, solution-oriented and hard working. Which he is, definitely, and those are his qualities I highly appreciate, the qualities I love in him. Plus the fact that overall, he was a very good husband and excellent father. But he is introvert with some self-esteem issues, and not very good communicator when it comes to his personal/intimate life.
One of current problems that I see as playing a significant part in this mess is that he never graduated, but is only one exam shy of graduation (my country followed German education system, so first diploma in engineering, dipl. ing. M.E., which we both studied, is earned after 4,5 years, and is at MSc level). When we first spoke after he moved out he told me he feels as a second class person because of that failure, and he can't advance in his military career neither change his job, which he would like to, not happy at current one any more. At the same time he told me he admires me for having a courage to leave my secure public servant job in the middle of economic crisis and being 45, and start my own company, said he would'nt be able to do so. So I read some big MLC red flags in this - questioning his worthiness and direction in life... He now has an urge to take bull by the horn and graduate, to take care of himself (informed me about health checkups he did in this 20 days since move, told me about next steps with dentist, etc.).
I am sure that our marital problems play a big part too, but majority of them were mainly a withdrawal and lack of affection problems, that led to my dissatisfaction and withdrawal on times, even sleeping in other room for a while. But I always tried to communicate my dissatisfaction to him in very calm and non-judgmental manner, it was always just asking please tell me what is happening, what is the problem, what can I do, what do you need? I usually got reversed reply - but you alienate from me. This wasn't leading anywhere, just to more back and forth, few better days and few worse, a rollocoaster. I felt depleted, rejected, alone and had less and less energy and good will to change things and invest in us, but I never gave up. I wrote him e-mails, spilling my heart and soul, but answers I got were somewhat angry and always turned to me - if you feel lonely, I feel even more lonely. No amount of good will from my side reversed the situation.
I deeply believe that all of those issues can be solved, I believe in us, because we survived poor times (both unemployed), we survived war times at Balkans in early '90s, we survived a marital crisis in 2000-2001 when we had his severe depression and suicide attempt (ended up in menatl hospital for a month), OW in the picture and 6 months separation before he decided to return back to his family on his own free will.
I am very understanding, tolerant and patient person, but I am scared to death this time and very, very sad. I would highly appreciate any help I can get here.
Sky's Wife
Me:48 H:48 M:23, T:27 DD 24 Bomb 1 07/27/10,IDLY,moved out without notice while I was at funeral Bomb 2 09/30/10, "I can't return home, I want D" Found out OW in picture since 07/09 D'd: 04/01/11
