Having a rough time again today. How is it that I can feel so comfortable one minute and so lost the next. I was fine until she "mentioned" that she "had something to do tonight" but did not say with whom or what it was. Drove me crazy all day, then I had to watch her get ready and leave. Dressed conservativly and wearing rings, but I have a feeling she took a change of cloths out to her car before she left. I actually felt a lot better once she was gone. Took D8 out for a while and got home to an empty house.. took her to bed and went to bed myself only to be awoken by W coming home. Now I can't sleep.
I want to let go completely but I can't seem to find the last part of me that is holding on. She acts like the world is a great and wonderful place and she'll be oh so much better off once she is rid of me. She is now "buying" the kids. Things we discussed that they did not need or should buy themselves she is now buying them. Since I only have the little cash that I put away I can't spend much on them if it is going to last me till I get a job.
Both kids were crying today becasue they don't want to sell the house. S talked to his mom and he told me all she said was "it will be better this way, you'll see".
Theres just too much going on in my head to sort it all out. In the list, rule 33 says not to give up, and I've only been doing this a month, does it really get easier or is there somethine that has to happen that I can't see yet? I still Love her, and want an R and M with her, not the one we had, but something new but just don't see any movement on her part.
