Stitching together a new quilt

[FindingMyVoice]

Graphs are art sorta.

Ahhh interesting! Never looked at it like that!

Every 10 minutes of excercise = 1 square on graph paper. Add up minutes every week, divide by 10, plot point. Connect the dots

I'm embarassed to say how long it took me to figure out why you were dividing by ten. But I'm working on a design project right now so I'm in 'right brain mode'. Ummm yaahhh...That's why I couldn't figure it out...

Or use Excel to do the same thing

Excel?! My brain = *poof*

No seriously, thanks again for the great ideas and encouragement Time. And the chuckle! Greatly appreciated.

[FindingMyVoice]

PS, hey Time - you know, I'm so sorry... I never even thought to ask how you're doing?

[TimeHeals]

I never even thought to ask how you're doing?

Pretty good, but I have to remember to pay that speeding ticket (speed trap--got caught).

[FindingMyVoice]

Pretty good, but I have to remember to pay that speeding ticket (speed trap--got caught).

Oof right. Blah. You were singing the Sesame Street song, right? Mine is usually the Smurf song; never got caught speeding to it though. (yet)

[FindingMyVoice]

I flubbed. I was sharing a worry/fear with H this afternoon when he (of course) cut me off saying 'well that's not going to happen, first off...blah blah blah..fix fix...you shouldn't feel that way blah blah...'. Well all the lessons I've been learning in how to respectfully share with him what I need to hear went right out the window. Instead, what do I do? I snap at him (not too quietly), VALIDATE ME... STOP TRYING TO FIX ME! Can't you just say 'Yah, I hope that doesn't happen too..'?"

So of course he gets the deer-in-the-headlights-look and paraphrases what I said.

And then we're right back to our old pattern. I feel guilty. After which he heads upstairs - quickly. After which I feel even more guilty.

Yah. I'm that bright.

[FindingMyVoice]

OOh I'm so mad at myself. So not only the mess up this afternoon, but tonight as we're chatting with a neighbor, H pays me a beautiful, wonderful compliment. What do I do? Nooo... I don't thank him; I don't acknowledge how wonderful it is he's starting to do that now. Nothing. Not a word of recognition for this wonderful change. Instead, I don't accept it for a second - I deny it flat-out. Said something along the lines of 'What??? Oh my heavens that's not true! I don't do that well at all!!'...

What on earth is wrong with me?? Why am I being so stunned?

[FindingMyVoice]

And it just keeps getting better. I don't understand this. I keep snipping at him over stupid things. And he complimented me that I was looking nice this morning but I completely blew it off; I snorted back that I thought I looked like I pig. He's done nothing wrong. Yes he's been busier than normal with his hobbies and friends, but I don't begrudge him that. I love to see him happy and busy with the things he loves to do. So why am I being such a b*tch? Some days I just want to run and go live somewhere that nobody knows me, and keep it that way. Trying to maintain an intimate relationship right now just feels beyond my abilities.

[dday101798]

FMV,

So why don't you enroll his help to figure this out saying exactly what you've said here?

[FindingMyVoice]

FMV,
So why don't you enroll his help to figure this out saying exactly what you've said here?

Morning dday, as much as it disgusts me to say it, I think I'm feeling rather abandoned, and like a fifth wheel with him being so busy with his activities and friends these days. I know I'm supposed to be sharing my thoughts and feelings with him but I just can't bring myself to dump that on him. It's my problem not his. I don't want to make him feel guilty for just doing what he has a right to do. But I know snipping at him isn't right either, though. And I'm tired of always being the one to bring up all the R talk...no wonder he never wanted to talk with me anymore. I don't know. My head's all over the place right now. And that's the worst time to talk with him. He just doesn't do well with open-ended vague problems. Thanks so much for the suggestion though - I really appreciate your concern. Take care. PG.

[dday101798]

No-no, the two of you are in this together. In the exact opposite, when I went through my funk last week, (x)W sniped at me for doing what you are and not queing her in. The longer you continue to slouch down on your own and leave him clueless to what bothers you, the harder it's going to be to correct.