put your foot down on the S issue. She has no right to keep info about your S hidden from you. I hate when parents do that, the kids are innocent in all this, and as much as I am going through with my own sitch, W and I are civil in regards to our kids. Anyway you do need to set a boundary in regards to your S, do not let her control you like this, she obviously knows this upsets you and you need to stand up to her "no doormat".
Hey thanks, For the most part things are pretty good about S. However everytime S is on a visit with family & W is alone in house it seems to get like this. I thought W & I cleared this up a few months ago guess I'll have to talk to her about it again tonight when after I suprize S after work!!!
Thanks I will I'm just finishing work w sent me this tx about 2 hrs ago Were you going to stop by? When? This shi* makes me mad cause if she got back to me she would have know this. I'll tx W when I leave work.
wait a while to respond, dont let it get to you. you are not on a leash with her, so dont act like it. I know its frustrating, but go over there in a GOOD mood if not she will know everything she is doing is getting under your skin, then she knows she still controls YOU. put an end to it....
Thanks in a way I want to push the mediation stuff, but it wouldn't help matters and I can't wait to see my S!! So I will regroup and will tell here I will be their in a little bit I brought a change of threads to make her think I was going out tonight after I visit S. Oh well have to be calm.
Sorry this is long and I don’t post to everyone as much as I should I’ve just been in a slump the past 2 weeks and school and work have been super busy for me.
I guess I need some thoughts or input here especially from Sandi, puppy, Gucci, and the others . I'm doing my best to detach and move on as much as I want to hope and work on the M. Any way I went over and surprised my S it was great to see him & give him a hug. We talked and kind of planed our little vacation to VA. Beach or the Outer banks and maybe a Nationals game, and other fun things to do together; It was just great to see him!!
Before I left the W and I talked about when I was going to take him and other stuff. Then we got in the whole can you get back to me on when S was flying in and have him call me when he landed and other stuff. She thought I was attacking her and was upset with my tx. W thought I was being controlling and telling her what to do. All I said was please get back to me when it’s About OUR S!!
I said I haven’t seen him in almost a month & she tried to say I had about the same time with S as W did even when S went to visit his biological 1/2 and 1/2 brother & as well. I said no its different I get him once or twice a week and try and stop by the house and see him as much as I can u have him here. I stood my ground and I think she was surprised as I wouldn’t even let her interrupt me which I surprised myself..
In the end I said hey we have to do a better job about our S cause we have a long way to go with him, W said we have to remove ourselves from all this , but it’s just hard, I told her that I know , but its about him and we both have to do better job. As far as calling or texting about S & if we have questions ask…
This is the part I need help with I’m not sure if it was right, but I did it anyway and it felt good… So I said I don’t want to get into this but I have to say it ; I told her I’m doing my best to move on and W got teary-eyed and said that was good.
Next I said hey look at me W did and I said hey as much as I hurt I said I forgive you for what you have done & I said I also have forgiven myself for what I have done. I told her I hope you can do the same for yourself someday.
The last thing I said was if you do end up with OM!! I have no clue what is going to happen with us. I told her I don’t know where we will stand as far as our friendship. W said I know I told her I could only ask for the truth from you. (I think she is torn about that)!!
What are your thoughts guys? I’m trying to detach and it’s hard and this month is extremely hard as our Anniversary is in 2 Weeks I don’t want to quit and I have hope but it getting less and less.
I also have to try and move on even if I don’t want too. So telling her that I do forgive her seemed to help!! Not saying the pain is gone and won’t forget what has happened but I feel better.
Up until tonight it seemed that W had no emotions, but tonight I could also tell she hurts too.
I cannot tell you whether or not it was the right thing to do or not because I have been told not to have the R talks, but if it makes you feel better then that is good for you, and DBing is about helping us to "move on." I have had similar conversations with my W, and I do not regret them because it was something I needed to do for me. Right now my life is about me and the kids.
Would I have another R talk. Well, I don't think so.
I think that conversation will help you move on.
Do not second guess yourself.
Keep the pain and hurt in control. It is extremely hard.
You will be okay.
Last edited by LSG; 08/15/1005:56 AM.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
I not sure if it was right either. Well hope to get some more feedback. Thanks guys I have some school work to do then off to work so will talk later Hope!!!
Hey Guys, Hope everyone is doing well, haven’t been on much lately just been super busy with school, work and I took my S on vacation. We went to the Outer Banks in NC for 3 days; seas were rough as Hurricane was heading up the coast. We had fun it’s just been hard for S. W took S for 2 days on a mini vacation week before to Hershey Park, & said he wished daddy was here.
Well I got thru our anniversary and it has taken me a while, but I have to let W go. Some of the things that helped were well vacation with just S it was great, but hard at times as we planned to do this together. Also just how S brought up thing sometimes.
As I dropped S’s suitcase off & went to take Our Dane for a Walk. W had taken down all the pictures on our family wall of the 2 of us and replaced them. (Fu** I spent a lot of time on that; as it was a surprise for W in our new home). Then I noticed W has put almost everything I have gotten her in the donate pile or what had to do with us (I guess that’s her way of getting thru this). Finally one thread that made total sense was the one Coach had posted: What does the WAS and LBS have in common? It’s so true
“why try and fight or hold back someone who is desperately trying to self-actualize and find their true self? That's the wisdom and magic of letting them go. If you love them wouldn't you want them to be the best they could? The WAS also wants you to grow and be your best, they show it by leaving a unhealthy R” A while back my W says she wants me to be happy and I too want W to be happy as well.
I hope she works on her issues someday as she has a lot of things she has never dealt with. I feel sad, but she has to take care of herself to be happy someday. She is a good person despite the pain she has caused me. Maybe one day she will get the message that we could have been something great or maybe not at all.
I do want to make our M/R work, but nothing I have done has helped because I failed to listen. So that has also helped me come to this point it still hurts and I have my days. I don’t deserve this & I’m going to continue to work on myself for me & enjoy the time I have with my S, as he starts middle school on Tues.
Yes I know it’s taken a while for me to get it thru my thick skull & everyone one here has been great. I can’t thank everyone enough!! I hope to catch up on threads, but finals are coming up & due next week. Any thoughts & suggestions are always helpful thanks.
