Please consider this that I mentioned before...and discuss this with your lawyer...
If H is scheming on how to get himself set up and screw you this could be how he is doing it...
If he quits paying your house payments now...he screws his credit too...
HOWEVER, if he keeps paying, gets you to sign a paper giving him rights to purchase a home WITHOUT you having rights to it...AND then he stops paying on your home...then what? HE has a home and YOU don't!
Then in court he states he can't keep both...says you can have the one YOUR living in (the one you may not be able to afford on your own, he knows this)...even if they demand him to pay it is very hard to enforce...unlike child support...spousal support doesn't have many adverse consequences if it isn't paid, especially if they are "just trying to make a life for themself too"...
Be very careful with this...it smells funny...and when someone starts accusing you of something it is usually them that is upto no good (accusing a spouse of infidelity...they are usually cheating...accusing of game playing...they are game playing)
My guess...H is the one playing the game! Don't loose this one!
Take care...it is hard to know where to draw the line while trying to keep things fair and civil...I went through that...I had a LS to protect me financially...I was able to make a living to support myself and with my adult daughter's we had an a roof over our heads and food on the table...it was hard but better then living with my parents...we had to sell our home when H split...it was hard, still is financially...
Know your rights...and stick up for them...be strong for you...and if needed, have your lawyer be the bearer of bad news to H...so you can just stand back and say, "I have to do what my lawyer says, I'm sorry."
Doing okay - friend came over from work with a bottle of Red Rock and we downed it. Grandson came to spend the night right as I was going to bed, so no problems there.
I spent some time thinking about my H, and whether he is angry, desperate, both, hitting bottom, about to check out, etc. All the things one thinks about when a loved one has PTSD. I know I didn't break him, and can't fix him, I just can't help but feel sympathy, and sorrow that his anger is fixed on me.
I don't know what I'd do at times without the people on this board. You've kept me on the 'straight and narrow' more times than I can count.
I've been better at responding and not reacting. That's a big plus for me.
I decided not to respond to the Email. He hasn't sent another. His number is still blocked on my phone, so he can't call. Another friend is coming by today so I can hem his curtains. Try to stay busy.
I don't live very far from you (Fort Smith area). One poster asked if you can file on grounds of adultery in Arkansas. As of 2006, the answer is yes. In fact, I filed Adultery charges against XH.
I also want to warn you that your H could go behind your back and obtain property. It happened to me.
In '06 (while we were separated), my H tried to get me to co-sign for several acres of land he wanted to buy. I refused, but a local bank allowed him to purchase a smaller amount of land without my co-signature or waiver. He later built a house for himself and OW on that land during our divorce process. Of course, that was a definite no-no in the eyes of the law.
So, I just want to caution you to please be wary of any tricks that your H might try to pull behind your back (such as obtaining land without a waiver). MLCers are impatient, make notoriously bad decisions and rarely think through the consequences.
Thank you very much Valeria. I have warned H that if he pushes me to court, I will cross file on those grounds. It's also possible in Arkansas to have a divorce case dismissed for the same reason. They should call it the put up and shut up law.
Only in Arkansas.
As far as the mtg. goes, he is trying to obtain it through USAA as a VA loan, and they have already been notified my lawyer is looking over the papers, which I am becoming more and more certain I will not sign.
Headed off to church this morning. We are having ' Campfire Days' all the Sundays in August, which is sort of a come-as-you-are. After church, I'm off to Wal-Mart for supplies. Come home and hem my friend's curtains I didn't get done yesterday. Whew! What an exciting life I lead!
I am composing in my mind the letter I will write to my H telling him of my decision to not sign the waiver, and his possible responses to it. I've about decided his crazy attitude must be because he stopped by his lawyer's before he left town, and possibly was told he'd made a big mistake.
Plan on sending the letter registered as I have no faith she would not read it and destroy it, or something to that effect.
During my divorce, my H was adamant that I was mailing tax information, etc., to the wrong address. He also insisted that NO ONE read his mail except himself.
So I sent the next letter certified. Yep, the OW intercepted it and signed for it, using her real name!! My lawyer used the signed card as evidence in court .... PLUS my H was furious to learn that OW was interceping his mail and lying about it.
I strongly support your decision to send all future correspondence by registered or certified mail. Be sure and keep all receipts.
Reflecting back on all the court/divorce proceedings, I wish I would have even took a harder stance on certain things. I think I was a little shell-shocked at how nasty and devious ex was. They do and will resort to anything to get their way.
I thought some way that if I treated ex nicely that he would come back or at least see the light. It does not matter what you do at this time. Nothing will change their behavior. They have to go and complete the journey. You have to protect yourself and stay one step ahead of them. Staying one step ahead of my ex meant the difference between being able to stay in my home and living on a park bench.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I don't think I would compose a letter at all...isn't that what the lawyer is for? Leave the dirty work to them, that is what they get paid for...and then if H confronts you just innocently state that you were advised not to for your own protection. If he still pushes direct him to the lawyer and tell him if he can convince the lawyer then you would "re-consider".
I still think he may have a longer term goal here...one where he secures a property in his name only, rights removed from you, and then he can let the home you have go and allow his credit to go with yours since he won't "need" his credit after the fact!
I think you should discuss this scenario with your lawyer...I have seen a lot of stuff done to a spouse, who while being advised, missed the white elephant in the middle of the room...lawyers can't always think of all the possibilities so mentioning this will at least cause thought to be given...and advice to fit it.
Then, it could be explained to H that if he wants to do this still he would have to agree that should he default on your home, the newly aquired home would then become legally yours!
This would ensure that he would not mess around with your credit, or his and his living plans!
