Rockin' and Rulin' My World

[rockedworld]

Rabbit,

your H is LLL

LLL?

Peace,

G-man: LLL= La La Land

[rockedworld]

Were you able to agree on $ and custody, all that just with the two of you without too much trouble? Mine just never seems to have time to discuss any of this stuff, which is funny b/c he wanted this. Actually, it's not funny- I don't see any indication he's thought anything through, particularly where our D is concerned, which is very disappointing. I'm glad you guys reached an agreement- does that mean you'll just be using the L's to draw up the official papers or do you still have things to settle?

NB- we have verbally agreed on everything. So far. But, that's because H is feeling guilty so he has been oh so agreeable so far. However, I am concerned that he will become more difficult as time goes on. I hope not, but it seems to be too smooth so far. We will see. But, yes... if he remains agreeable then we simply have my L draft it all up, he has one consult with an independent L and it can be done.

Doing better today. I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the sadness yesterday. I guess days like that are to be expected. I ended up getting the kids and staying at my parents for the night last night. I could just tell that I was too emotionally raw and vulnerable and the thought of being around him was too much. It was a good evening with my parents. We went for a long walk in the sunshine, had a nice dinner on the patio outside etc. I feel safe and loved there and that is what I need to heal right now. It is good for the kids to be in that environment too.

[rockedworld]

Working on getting myself back on track today.

I was doing OK last night. Did some more packing. Had a few moments when packing my wedding china. But got through it.

Then... for some reason... couldn't sleep. I kept waking up. I think I was dreaming. I kept waking up with thoughts of OW. I used to have nightmares about her a lot but that stopped when we were piecing. I don't know why that is happening.

So when my alarm went off this morning, I felt exhausted and emotional. Put more boxes in my car to drop off at my parents after work. Wondering if the neighbours are noticing.... I know that doesn't really matter... but, hey, I am human. The thought crossed my mind... are people going to assume I am "the guilty one" in this M since I am the one moving out? I know I shouldn't let thoughts like that consume me.

It's hard to no longer feel comfortable in my own home. I am in the process of moving, but haven't fully moved yet. I can't settle in my parents' yet because there is a nephew currently in the room I will have and I have to wait for him to move out.

I feel homeless. And I didn't do anything wrong.

Ugh.

I know I need to get my head around all this and shift my perspective.

I am choosing to take control of my own life, because my H is continuing to make choices that are unacceptable to me. I know that moving out of the home with the kids is the best option for me for lots of reasons. But, it is so much harder than I thought it would be. And this "in between" limbo time before I am settled in there is awful.

I need to remember this period of time will not be forever. It will get better.

I am working on finding some GAL plans this weekend. Need to find something fun!

[soleil]

The thought crossed my mind... are people going to assume I am "the guilty one" in this M since I am the one moving out? I know I shouldn't let thoughts like that consume me.

I've been you.
I am the one who moved out and worrid about that to, especially afterward. But nobody else knows what happened but me and H. So don't let it consume you. It's not healthy and takes a lot of time away from healthy thoughts. If youknow you tried all you could and kept hitting stone walls, then you are making the right decision.

For me, I prayed and kept praying for God to send me a sign specifically letting me know somehow whether to move out or not. I don't consider myself a religious person at all. I came home from work to find him packing up boxes. He said he was moving out, etc. I told him to leave all my stuff behind/important documents. When I got home at night, he was in bed. The next day he'd taken my wedding rings and hid them from me. Both of these things were my "sign," IMO.

The day I moved out, hsi stuff was still in boxes, my ring nowhere to be found.

Keep your HEAD up, Rocked. It sucks, reallllllllly sucks, but if he's unwilling to let you in, then you're not making the wrong decision for you.

Dreams about the OW are normal.

[ImprovedRomeo]

KR, it's a process...the roller coasters, the laying awake at night, the feelings, self-doubt etc. We ALL have to go through the rough patch to get to the greener pastures.

Good work on GAL...if you enjoy any particular activities you should check out meetup.com

Have a great weekend, you'll be OK!

[Gardener]

(((Rocked)))

[gardengirl72]

rHw,

First off, love the title.

Now, as hard as it seems right now, that is what you need to remember.....Rockin' and Rulin' My World!

We all get down on ourselves from time to time...that is what is great about this place....we can come here and vent/ramble/journal...and not be judged.

I think you are doing an awesome job! You did not do anything wrong.....and if the neighbors come out, smile and say, 'my H's an a&&hole!!!'

~gg.

[4luv]

it will get better. You are one of the stories that I always read and I really admire your strength. I was also the one that moved out and went through all the emotions that you just wrote. I felt the same way like I was the one who has to move to my parents' house with my son and I was not the one that cheated. I felt is was unfair. But now, it was THE BEST thing I ever did! IT will get better. You will be able to heal out of that environment with your husband now. You will be able to get some time to yourself because you have your family to not only support you but to look after your kids as well. That is a big help for those days that you just need to lay in your bed and not move (and nothing is wrong with having those days...just not too many of them :-)).

After all of this you will notice how doors that you didn't even ask to be opened just start opening for you. Things will start happening for you that you are just amazed about but thankful for. I will keep you in prayer but I know that you are an amazingly strong women that will be just fine :-)

[Lost Rabbit]

4Luv just about covered everything I was gonna say hun! Just remember what strength you have gained throughout all of this and use it to your best ability!

You are not only strong but very beautiful and what will be your H's loss will be your biggest gain!

((Rocked))

[ClingingToHope]

I agree with 4luv about doors opening in your life. Since I moved out -- she wanted out of the M and I decided to be 'big' and be the one to move, which for me was a mistake -- I started a new church that has given me several new social outlets. I found two part-time jobs -- one in the summer and fall and the other in the winter and spring -- that allows me somewhat to provide the lifestyle the girls have grown up expecting when they are with me.

Don't get me wrong, there are lots of downtime ahead of you where you look around and wonder what happened. There will be lots of moments where it feels like he's "won." I'm struggling with that this week. But every day is a chance to rebuild and it truly gets better with time.