Yeah, maybe I wasn't clear on things. Here goes another attempt.
She's still firm about leaving. Needs to figure out if she wants to be Mrs. Pinhead, and have the Pinhead family. No doubt that as of today, she's going. I hope she'll reconsider before she goes, but I don't expect it at all.
For me, I'm not going to pursue, cling, bake her cake, etc. I'm just going to GAL, do this big 180 where I'm open and honest with her, listening, really listening to her for the first time. Trying to understand it from her perspective, not so I get an edge on her, but so that I can appreciate what she feels.
While she's planning on leaving, she's going to see the most attractive guy, confident that things will be just fine; whether we reconcile or not. But I've been a moody, pouty guy for 2 months, trying to act "as if."
Can't do that. It's not me, and it's not effective. She knows me well, and knows that it's just me acting out. Being afraid. Clinging, controlling.
I really have had a huge epiphany in the last week. I love my wife. I want to be with her. I'm not afraid anymore of losing her, because I already have. I'm letting go completely, yet holding onto my hope.
Those are my feelings; my actions are showing my confidence, my calmness, my strength.
I've already lost her, so that fear is gone. Can I find her again? That's where hope will be my ally.
