I just get in these funks where his words and actions over the last few months - and his deceptions over the last few years - begin to speak louder than anything else. I don't think H misses me at all. To him I represent accountability and maybe even misery. No one else I know views me that way (that I know of:))
IB...These feelings are normal, in my opinion...I remember thinking "How could H be so wrong? Maybe he isn't? Maybe I just don't know how mean of a woman I am?" and more...
My H had tried to tell me he hadn't been happy for over 10 yrs and yet our son was only 9! Did he fake the happiness of the time that we were expecting him and before!...I remember those times clearly...while I had a very difficult pregnancy, H and I were like glue for each other, loving, caring, planning...
It is all re-writing history...remember they have to...how could they otherwise justify their crazy actions? It can't be them because that would mean acceptiing responsibility and they can't do that either...they can't blame the kids because what sort of monster would they be then in the eyes of others...but if they can paint a picture of the LBS as someone who was impossible to live with, that know one saw what they put up with in private...and HOW long they "TRIED"...well then they feel they are setting themselves up for sainthood!
But I do understand those feelings well...we trusted them, believed them...and now they are blaming us and it seems that in our rational mind there must be truth to it...why would they lie...why would they leave if it wasn't true...why do that to their children, family, friends?...well it isn't true...they are crazy right now...and nothing has to make sense to anyone but them so if they believe what they want of the past then they can go on trying to convince themselves that they are happy now...but eventually that crumbles under them too...hopefully when that happens they realize that their unhappiness was in them...not BECAUSE of you!
