cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

Went to the viewing and everything was good. I had asked H previously if he wanted to switch weekends so I had him this weekend since he had all of this stuff, and he said no, but yesterday he only really hung out with him for 1 hour. The rest we were at the viewing.

The viewing I sat with all the cousins. It was no problem and I fit right in like I knew I would. I talked to the cousins about their lives to his aunts and uncles. I mean it was no big deal. Then I noticed something very big. In high school and really all my life I have been a social being. I love to talk to people and get to know them. While at the viewing, H sat all by himself the entire time. Completely away from the family. S sat with him for a while, but S is like me. He is shy for a while, but then once he warms up will hang around people. That is what S did last night. Once he warmed up, he wanted to be near me because I was near the people. H still just sat by himself. I was asked to go eat with the family and everything. H just sat there and left with S. He didn't really talk to anyone. Very sad.

I gave MIL a hug, but she was very why are you here and when are you leaving. She kept saying "thanks for coming" and it felt like she was pushing me out the door. FIL wouldn't look at me. Of course he knows everyone so he was talking a lot.

Today is the funeral, but I am ok with it and not worried at all. H was very strange when he dropped off. He was upset and seemed mad. I had him drop S off at my parents because my step-sister and nephews are in town this weekend and S loves to play with them (he actually cried for the first time to not leave because he wanted his cousins). I don't know if H noticed what I did about he viewing or what.

Some may think I am putting on a show because when H and I were together I would have sat with H and not talked to anyone because I thought that was normal for his family. H didn't like to talk to people so I would feel bad leaving him alone and would just sit and talk to him. That wasn't me. I am the social person who likes to talk to people and hear about what they are doing, but I am not worried about what they think because deep down I believe they know I am not putting on a show because of how I have done all kinds of stuff with the family all year long.