She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[crushednstuck]

OK brother, I appreciate the thought given to my sitch. I did not go headlong into showing my W who was boss, but I definitely had the defenses down. I've been on numerous other trips out of the country with plenty of opportunity to cheat, but held my marriage as sacred, plus I was always scared of my own guilt. After the fling, I was mortified but oddly satisfied that I could "pull" without paying. I'm not an ogre but I guess needed my resources verified on some subliminal level. I feel that nothing I could have done during my M would justify her A (short of physical or mental abuse). Yet she seems content vilifying me for my shortcomings on projects around the house. I've taken on large projects to improve our home, but at times, they've taken a while as I've learned while doing.
Your analogy to the home definitely applies here as this was the first home we built together. I sold my condo to move into her house (previously occupied by her 1st H) and tried to make it ours. The new home we built created opportunity yet it complicated things as my son was on the way and we needed to make quick, uninvolved improvement. She was not much help, but imagined she was. I painted, patched, tiled, wired and landscaped my way to unrecognized completion. She complained and cajoled.
As your quote mentions, it's time to remove the tree. I'd love to take a chain saw to it, both figuratively and literally (ala Scarface) but I know that only provides sympathy for douche.
The MC doesn't immediately seem to be helpful as I'm not hearing "solution-based" results, but I'm delighted she's even there. However, we've agreed (initially) to limit discussions to how we got where we are. Of course, this allows her to maintain her A. Eventhough the MC rightly notes that no progress can be made until the terms are agreed upon.
I'm stuck yet again. However, we are closer than before. Her distrust of me means that any moment apart now means I'm with another and always have been. Her tracking my phone and researching that I've (only spoken) with women ironicallly younger and fitter than her further frustrates her. I've only met them through my GAL efforts at the gym. I've not entertained another relationship, only cultivating new friendships. This is no consolation to her of course.
She's angry and always has been. I've no idea how to get her over her anger.
Rambling, sorry....