WHY DO WE DO IT?

[navajo]

OK, I can't figure out how to split a quote into seperate sections, so the below will be a bit confusing. SORRY!

Hey Navajo-
I'm not one of the experts by any means but I certainly don't see a screw up. The only things that concern me are:
-How firmly did you set the boundary regarding OM?

>>>> I was quite clear and firm. She didn’t take it very well and I got the whole “We’re just friends now” BS, but held firm and said NO contact in my house. No computer usage unless it is on MY computer with me watching. The only thing is, I washed my hands of the cell phone and the bill since it really has no bearing unless/until she wants to come back.<<<<

-Is it CLEAR what the conditions of her living there are?

>>>> Oh yeah. The only thing I didn’t cover yet (but will next time I see her) is that there will be a deadline for staying here then it’s time to go (thinking 3 months for this).<<<<

-HOW MUCH GAL'ing have you done/

>>>> Well, I think I have been doing pretty well. As well as I can with a long commute, single parent of 2 kids, financial ruins, house falling apart around me…HA! I have always done lots of things with the kids and have continued to do so, went out with friends a couple of times, gotten closer with my family (even my sister who I haven’t really gotten along with since childhood), still exercising and losing some weight, etc.<<<<

-Have you changed to who YOU need/want to be?

>>>> Yes, I have been working on it. It is an ongoing process and have realized I was backsliding to my Loner ways and immediately corrected. I still need to be a smaller me, but working on that one.<<<<

-Have you required Transparency regarding OM contact?

>>>> I really don’t have any idea how to do this. She still talks to, emails, texts him all the time and admits it, so I don’t really know how to make sure she is not talking to him while here. Any suggestions?<<<<

-Does she have a time limit to find a place?

>>>> I am thinking 3 months. Any input?<<<<

All I can tell you is that by your tone, your confidence still needs a little bolstering.

>>>> Honestly, my confidence is soaring. I have really and truly dropped the rope and am just getting along with my life and my kids. The tone of the last post was more anger at myself for even agreeing to it and at her for even putting me in this situation knowing I am a “nice guy” and would agree.<<<<

If you see this as a positive and that you CAN handle it (and you have set all the boundaries for yourself), your confidence that you have the upper hand should ease your mind and enhance your confidenec.

>>>> I am honestly not sure it IS a positive, but also know there is NO WAY I could live with myself if I refused to let her stay and she wound up on the street or living with some unsavory person and risk exposing my kids to them. It would be a positive if she were even to hint that she wanted to come back to work things out, but she insists and made it very clear that she is not interested in that since she “can’t forgive me for being cold” and doesn’t think I can ever forgive her… I told her that last one is for ME to decide and not her.<<<<

Are you prepared to go about your life FOR YOUR SAKE despite the fact she is there?

>>>> YES! But honestly, if she is here and just sits in the basement, it’s going to be very awkward for the kids…<<<<

If so, I don't see this as a bad thing.