WAH and LBW separated and dark

[Forrest Gump]

"my thread is a bit quiet. rightfully so. things have been pretty calm but forrest, where are you? smile i need a new challenge!"

You still have the outstanding challenge of the statement. Me being quiet was also kinda part of the challenge. I was busy too. We are getting ready to go on vacation so this week has been kinda hectic.

Anyway....

"six months ago, everybody recommended that i take up yoga but when i was in my crazy state, yoga was NOT helpful. it was so non-social that all i thought about was my sitch. now that i'm in a better frame of mind, i can probably go back to yoga and focus on the poses rather than just go through the motions."

GAL.. as you have seen is different for everyone. This is why I shy away from giving you specific things to do. The main reason I focus on people interacting with the "admiring public" is because it makes you aware of your surroundings. For some reason when we walk thru this.. if we take a step back and look around it is easy to "see" other people in need. All it takes is for one of those people to "do something nice back".. and it sets in motion a change. As you have seen it builds your self worth back up. It also enhances your "compassion". If you focus and hone this tool.. it will serve you well in the months.. years.. to come. It is hard to get someone to believe they are worth "something" when all this crap is floating around.

They have to find out "on their own".

"i'm not good at comprehension. but i'll give it a try."

What more can I ask for?

"but i am still here. still posting."

But again.. Why?

To me.. most people "here" don't "need" someone to walk them thru. They need someone to push them to do better and think about things in a new way. The only reason you are still posting is that you have a tiny bit of hope.. that keeps pushing to "find the answer". The answer lies within you. It is as simple as that. Who do you want to be?

"somehow i feel like i ended up saving myself but my m is still hanging by a thread."

All this.. starts with saving YOU. It cannot progress.. move forward.. without that. You have to stop acting a fool. You have to think clearly. You have to respond smartly. You can't do that if you do not value YOU. It is that old adage.. "How can someone love you.. if you don't love yourself."

The WAS by "pushing the button" (I am out) sets into motion a situation that will always fail! The reason for that is that both people will react emotionally to the situation.. and it will turn into a miserable hell. It takes "someone" that can "duck, dodge and pull" to just get out alive. It takes "someone" smart.. and prepared.. to "win".. and evoke a change.

One person set this in motion.. why can't one person change the direction?

"i am guilty of not communicating my intentions or what i am trying to achieve."

So.. with your long post.. what do you need to be more clear about?

"i still love my h very much and i realize that my plans to "win" got in the way."

Start your statement with this.

Expand on it slightly.

"maybe he did appreciate it but the 'need to win' turned me into someone else. and not the person he fell in love with."

^^^^ Hint on what to expand on. It needs rephrasing.

"but the vets here convinced me that i needed to work on me first before we can work on saving the m. i figure maybe that was do-able. that route was probably my best bet. little did i know that changing me would have a healing effect on me as well."

Everyone pointed you this way.. cause it has to happen first. Look what it did for you. Lemme say it again.. I could post out exactly what you should do. But you would get it wrong.. until you walk the walk a bit. It is not what you say.. so much. It is HOW you say it. The "opponent" knows you. Maybe even better than you know yourself.

Cupcakes come to mind.

"it isn't over. i can't answer that question.
but in the interim, i'm making a bit of headway. a friend of mine who hadn't seen me since march, met up with me yesterday. she said she noticed that i look alive now. she was so happy to see me smiling again. without telling her what i was doing, she felt the energy in me. so it must be working."

Hmm.. That is some "crazy talk" right there.

"i have to admit, sometimes i think i'm doing better than he is."

The thing is.. to a point.. this is a fantastic thought. You are doing better than him. You have learned something. You are hopefully making yourself a better person. He chose this.. but you are moving forward? Seems kinda cool to me.

Sitting across a table.. with L.. is going to be a testing time. For both of you. Showing up in front of a judge for him to declare you D... is gonna pull the heart strings for both of you. Don't underestimate that.


"well, at this point .. we're not bff."

You can't claim bff.. and then not mean it.

"i don't know what he is and that has me scared."

He has changed. That is what makes you scared. BFF's are not scared of change.

"but i wanted to know why he was saying the things he was saying. i wanted to understand where he was coming from."

You hurt him.. he lashed out. Then the "cycle" started.

"i don't want my old marriage. saving my marriage implies that i want my old marriage back. and i don't."

^^^^^ Hint on adding to statement.

BFF and being Married are 2 totally separate things. Always have been.. always will be.

When you can blend the 2 smartly.. then you will have one heck of a marriage.

Work at this from the viewpoint of keeping a BFF for right now.

I will be keeping up from my phone. I will try and post some.. but I loose my fabulous formatting when I do that. So you might just get a bis a$$ wall of text to read.

"methinks the challenges are getting harder and harder."

Why?

Now...

Do Work.