In my H's case, the blaming everything on others, esp. the LBS, was strong up to and during Replay, and after that the counsellor helped him to begin to recognize his own part in things.
The feeling like a victim began when his mother died (the trigger point for his MLC), continued throughout, and got stronger as he reached Acceptance ("Why did this have to happen to ME?"). It was only some months after recommitting to the marriage and learning not to think like a teenager that he was able to take responsibility for what he'd done, and so feel more in control of his life.
Likewise, the selfishness was almost unendurable during the Anger and Replay stages, but even when he began to become aware of my feelings, it was only fleetingly. Generally he was as caught up in his own emotions as a teenaged boy, and this tapered off for 6-9 months after his MLC ended.
My H also went back to many of the things he'd enjoyed as a teenager (interspersed with modern teenage music). This does make sense, because the MLCer is using the teenaged parts of his brain and trying to build the building blocks that were bypassed the first time through.
Remember, your W's relationship with your kids is hers, and not your responsibility. All the same, because of your kids' ages, this will be harder for them to forgive (and to avoid judging). I hope that your growing sense of compassion will infect them as well, in the same way they would show compassion to a person with mental illness.
