Sol - you seem like an incredibly kind person with a very gentle nature and I doubt even a divorce can change that.
Make no mistake about it though, this is a divorce and the legal side of things must be handled without a thought to your H's well being in mind.
You would not hire an architect to build you a house if he didn't have a blueprint, right? Your attny works for you and should need very little prompting to show you exactly what he can do (and has done) to ensure you the best financial future as possible.
I know you know your H best but based on what you have shared I think you are dealing with a man that has learned how to manipulate your gentle nature. I read up on "divorce by bed and board" and essentially it comes down to your H saying this:
Gee, I don't want to sleep with you or have any intimate connection with you and I certainly don't want to live with you or have any financial ties with you BUT just in case I need you again for immigration purposes lets "kinda" get divorced.
It is evident based on the filing alone your H has created a very romantic notion of how easy divorce *should* be and then took that insane thought a step further and actually attempted to structure a divorce that ensured him "safety" if need be.
When somebody sues you, like your H did to you and my H did to me, all bets are off. You do not converse, reason or attempt to appease somebody who is suing you. Period. If he gets mad, upset, nasty or anything else that you even find remotely unacceptable tell him to whine to somebody who cares... maybe he can call the "lady" from the club he slept with.
Before you do ANYTHING with your attny he should be able to tell you his strategy, the time frame in which it will be executed and the alternate plan of action. Go down to the courthouse and search public records using your attny as "counsel of record" and see for yourself what sort of history he has ESPECIALLY if a green card is involved.
